Faking It
by BDewitt
Summary: Joniss interp. of the MTV show "Faking It." Katniss Everdeen and Johanna Mason are childhood best friends who are high school nobodies. They are mistakenly outed as lesbians at a part and become instant celebrities. To remain popular they decide to go with it... except one of them might not be faking it. T for language/sexual situations. Differs from the plot of MTV's version.
1. Chapter 1

"Remember that time you wanted to TP the principal's house because you thought that was cool?"

"Yes but -"

"And remember that time you went on a hunger strike because you thought _that_ was cool and ended up in the hospital for two days, right before Christmas break?"

"Yes but -"

"And remember that time you thought pretending to be blind would be cool and you got hate mail from the National Federation of the Blind for like two years?"

"They were particularly mean to me, even in Braille. And yes, I remember but -"

"So tell me how, Katniss, pretending to be lesbians is going to make us magically popular? Because honestly, I am not going to help you hide from the GLAAD people. You saw what they did to that guy from Duck Dynasty. I think he might be buried alive in an unmarked grave somewhere."

Johanna held the phone between her shoulder and her cheek, scrounging through the pile of clean laundry on her floor to find something decent and not wrinkled to wear to school.

On the other line, her best friend, Katniss Everdeen, was placing a shirt in front of herself in the mirror, tilting her head to the side to see how it looked. From this angle, maybe a little better. "Johanna, this is different. At Finnick Odair's party last night, he thought you and I were a couple. I didn't exactly tell him we weren't and today he wants to announce that we're running for homecoming queens!"

"I don't want to be homecoming queen, Kat."

"Then you can be king, and _I'll _be queen. You're probably the butch one anyway."

Johanna stood up straight, staring at her phone. "Why am I the butch one?" She quickly shook her head to clear those thoughts from her head. "Forget it, Katniss. Today you are telling Finnick that we are not a couple and we are certainly not going to be homecoming queens."

"Oh pretty please?" Katniss begged, putting her phone on speaker on top of her bedsheet so she could pull her shirt over her head. "The begging works better in person. I'll see you at school in twenty. Love you!"

Johanna clicked the off button on her phone and tossed it on her bed. She stared into the mirror in front of her closet, appraising the look she had chosen for the day. A tight-fitting green-and-white plaid shirt over a pair of distressed jeans. A completely beaten pair of Chuck Taylor's on her feet that she had worn just about every day since seventh grade, her hair left down in its usual tousled appearance.

If you were going to pretend to be a lesbian, this would probably be the outfit to do it in.

Johanna sighed. Katniss had been her friend since kindergarten. They had initially hated each other, but after Johanna had saved Katniss from a playground bully, they were inseparable. In terms of attitude, they couldn't have been more polar opposites. Katniss was a cheerful girl, who made friends easily in spite of her lack of popularity. Of course, the only reason she was unpopular was because they were so ridiculously ordinary.

In Panem High School, only the liberal, outlandish students stood out. The kids from the rich part of town with their ridiculous names and ballroom dancing trophies, or the always-stoned-kids from the middle part of town who painted sunflowers on the sidewalks. Those kids were popular. Ordinary kids like Johanna Mason and Katniss Everdeen, they were left to languish on the vines. Which Johanna was extremely comfortable with. A night in with pizza and Netflix, curled in her flannel pajamas binge-watching _Game of Thrones _was more Johanna's style.

The aforementioned party Johanna had quite literally been dragged to by Katniss. Finnick Odair, the town's resident "nice guy" and every girl's gay best friend, threw a party at his house. The typical house party was full of grinding teenagers making out to thumping house music, peppered with more stoned kids painting each other's faces and rich kids gossiping loudly in corners.

Everything had gone smoothly until Finnick had come upon Katniss by herself and evidently a conversation about their relationship cropped up. When Johanna had gotten back with drinks for them, Finnick was congratulating them on their bravery for being open and out. Before Johanna could even whisper, Finnick had introduced them as lesbians to the entire party.

Johanna was mortified but Katniss seemed to enjoy the attention. Not that she was mortified at being called a lesbian - it's not an insult, it's just an assumption - but she was mortified at the attention they were given. Even more so, embarrassed that Katniss had gone along with it. All night she had done everything except have sex with Gale Hawthorne, the school's most popular heartthrob, but he didn't seem interested.

Suddenly they were lesbians and she and Gale had talked for the rest of the night. Johanna had figured they would go home, forget about it, and walk into school as nobodies the next day.

She was wrong.

* * *

As they approached the threshold of Panem High School, they are greeted by loud cheers and clapping from around the campus. Katniss looked startled for a moment, but then grabbed Johanna's hand and lifted it high up in the air, smiling at the revelers around them.

When she looked to her left to see Johanna, she curved her lips into a frown. "Look a little excited, Jo. You look constipated."

"This is ridiculous." Johanna put her best fake smile on as the girls entered the high school hallway. Once they reached their lockers their hands detached and Johanna's smile rapidly evaporated into a scowl. She shoved her textbooks roughly into her locker. Why did she always let Katniss rope her into these insane stunts? Ever since they were kids, Johanna had always helped protect and aid-and-abet Katniss's various crimes without a peep of trouble.

And now she was going to have to lie about her sexual orientation to the entire school just so Katniss would have a chance with a hot boy. Johanna didn't have any other friends outside of Katniss so her loyalty was consumed by her. When she closed her locker the brunette was leaning against another with her shoulder, pouting her lips.

"Don't you dare use the Pouty Face on me, Katniss Everdeen."

Katniss's patented "Pouty Face" had gotten her out of trouble on numerous occasions, almost always with Johanna. "Please, Joey?" Johanna's mouth opened in shock. Katniss only used her childhood nickname when she really, _really _wanted something. Evidently masquerading as lesbians to attain popularity and the attention of Gale was enough.

Johanna rolled her eyes and shouldered her book bag, leaning her head against the cool blue metal of her locker. "You know that's not fair. The Pouty Face _and _the name?" Katniss nodded her head and continued to pout. "Ugh, fine."

"OhmyGod really?" Katniss practically squealed in excitement, embracing her best friend in a tight hug. The way Johanna smelled, always like fire and pine, was comforting to Katniss. She knew she would have no problem pretending to love her best friend. They were already practically a couple anyway. "You are the absolute best. I'm going to go tell Finnick that we can announce our candidacy today at the assembly."

Katniss leaned forward and kissed Johanna on the cheek, letting out another squeak of excitement. She scurried away like a rabbit, dodging hurriedly between classmates to go find Finnick Odair. Johanna slowly made her way toward her first class, not entirely ready to face the barrage of people she knew were waiting to grill her on her new lesbian love affair.

Before she could she nearly walked into Cashmere, her almost-step-sister. Cashmere's father, a rich real estate tycoon, had met her mother when she and Johanna were looking for a house after her parents' divorce. Only a few months later all four of them were moved into a large home in Panem. Cashmere was a popular girl, arrogant and domineering, and commonly beautiful. Long blonde hair, a thin but athletic build from years of gymnastics and dance, and green eyes. And while Johanna didn't consider herself the ugliest person walking the earth, Cashmere outshone her. Their personalities were clearly different, as a result of their drastically contrasted upbringings.

Johanna had grown up in a lower-middle-class family with just herself and her parents. Her mother was an aspiring journalist and her father had been an aspiring alcoholic. They were both liberal personalities though, and had instilled progressive values in their daughter before their marriage imploded. Cashmere was the product of a WASP family of the grandest kind, her childhood dotted by ponies at birthday parties and summers on the cape. Her mother died when Cashmere was about twelve, and Johanna was sure Cashmere had been insufferable since birth.

"Um, so, what the fuck is this all about you running for homecoming queen? Did you just land here from another planet or something?"

Johanna rolled her eyes are her blonde step-sister's attitude, attempting to walk around her but was stopped by Cashmere sticking her leg out to the right. "Cashmere, lay off me, okay? I don't want to be homecoming queen. If it were up to me, you could have the crown and shove it up your ass." Johanna grinned. "Maybe it can make friends with the stick that's already up there?"

Cashmere glowered at Johanna, placing her hands on her hips and jutting out her chin. "All of a sudden you're a lesbian and you think you can just take over the school! Well I. Don't. Think. So." Cashmere stepped forward, pointing her finger in Johanna's face. "This town is _mine_. That crown? Is _mine_. You can't just waltz in here with your lesbianism and flannel shirts and Indigo Girls concert tickets and think you run the place."

"Wow, Cash, I didn't know you were so afraid of a little challenge." Johanna knew her teasing would worm its way underneath Cashmere's skin, and it did. If Cashmere had been a cartoon in that moment, she'd have been Yosemite Sam, red in the face with steam coming out from under her ten gallon cowboy hat.

"I am not afraid of a challenge!" the taller girl shrieked rapidly. "This town drools over the underdogs, the poor minorities of society. You'll win on sympathy, not because I don't deserve it or because I am not ten times prettier than you." Cashmere glared at her even harder, apparently attempting to burn a hole through Johanna. "We'll see about this."

She stormed off around Johanna, leaving the raven-haired girl standing in her wake. Johanna physically shook off the lingering feeling of Cashmere and continued toward her class. If pretending to be lesbians with Katniss made her step-sister angry well then, that was a wonderful by-product of this charade.

* * *

By lunchtime the campaign for Katniss and Johanna to be Homecoming Queens had been taken to an all-time high. Posters with their faces were plastered on the walls with crowns above their heads. Kids were approaching Johanna who had never spoken to her and handing her cupcakes and asking her for quotes and her Twitter handle.

Unable to cope, Johanna found Katniss outside at lunch, talking to another one of Panem's weird stand-outs - the pregnant girl. "Could you excuse us for a second?" Johanna asked, glaring down at the pregnant girl. Johanna couldn't remember that girl's name, but she didn't feel too badly. She was certain that girl didn't know her name before today's big fiasco. The girl continued to sit there and Johanna threw her backpack down next to her.

"Johanna!" Katniss admonished in a false tone.

"I don't care if you're knocked up, I'll rip your throat out. MOVE." The pregnant girl waved good-bye to Katniss and eyed Johanna wearily as she wobbled her way down the steps. Johanna took up the girl's vacated spot and glared at Katniss. "This has to stop."

"That girl is really nice. You know she said we made a cute couple."

"Katniss, please. This is getting out of hand. Today in English everyone wrote me haikus on how much they love me and accept me." Johanna reached into her backpack and withdrew a large handful of brightly colored papers. "Fifteen people who accept me for something I'm not. All so you can talk to Gale Hawthorne."

"And be popular, don't forget that," Katniss said cheerfully, frowning when she saw Johanna's hard stare. She knew Johanna was going to be a hard sell; the girl detested high school and all its trappings. She didn't crave the popularity that Katniss did. "Look, I'm sorry."

"Well you should be. This is a lot of effort going toward something that will never happen anyway."

Katniss's eyebrow raised ever so slowly and she pulled her chin in. "Excuse me? Are you saying I have no chance with Gale?"

Johanna rolled her eyes in impatience, stuffing the papers back into her backpack. "Gale Hawthorne is the most popular boy in school. He could have anyone he wants, why do you think he..."

Johanna clamped her mouth shut before she went any further. She knew she had already crossed a line as Katniss's face became impassive and cold. Katniss had the uncanny ability to shut off her emotions like a water tap and Johanna usually could work around it. "Why would he want me? Thanks. It's a good thing we're not actually dating because you sure don't know how to make a girl feel good."

"Katniss, please, you know I didn't mean it like that." Johanna sighed and reached into her backpack, handing Katniss a lollipop she had been given by another one of their "supporters." "It's cherry, your favorite."

Katniss reluctantly snatched the lollipop from Johanna's fingers, ripping off the wrapped and smashing the lollipop on to her tongue. "Johanna, two days ago like three people knew our name. Today, everyone loves us. We're like the Ellen and Portia of Panem!"

"I'm Ellen, aren't I?"

"I think I'm more the secretly artistic arm candy, don't you?" Katniss replied with a cheeky grin. Johanna ran her fingers through her hair, her brown eyes gazing out on to the campus green. "Come on, Jo. Do it for your best friend. Your bestest bestie in the whole wide world. Your bestest bestie that hasn't eaten peanut butter in ten years because you're allergic?"

Johanna smirked at that bit of information. Her allergy was minor but Katniss swore the condiment off when they were in first grade in a dramatic show of her loyalty. She loved those days, when she and Katniss spent all day together in her tree house that her father had built. Johanna loved to climb trees, while Katniss preferred the ease of the ladder he had built on the bark. They would sit there for hours, coloring and acting out plays they made up.

"I just don't want anything to change," Johanna answered softly.

"Nothing will change," Katniss replied quickly. "We'll still be best friends, we'll just also be popular and everyone will think we're gay. And I will possibly hook up with the hottest boy in school." Katniss batted her eyelashes and leaned toward her friend. "Don't you want me to follow my dreams?"

"Hooking up with Gale Hawthorne is your dream? Whoa, dream big," Johanna retorted, quoting one of Katniss's favorite movies, _Juno_. Johanna watched on as Katniss began to slowly protrude her lower lip and she let out a long sigh. "Okay, fine, please no more Pouty Face. If this means that much to you, then I'll do it."  


"Eek!" Katniss exclaimed, hugging her friendly tightly. "I promise you won't regret it. I'll see you at the assembly." Katniss took off toward the school, leaving Johanna behind with her soggy sandwich in her backpack and her thoughts. Something about this felt very wrong. She wasn't sure if it was just her moral compass screaming that gaining popularity by exploiting a sexual orientation was wrong, or it was something else entirely.

She chewed her sandwich slowly, allowing her mind to wander off as far as it would go. Being "popular" now meant that alone time was probably going to be hard to come by. Johanna enjoyed her solitude.

Unbeknownst to her, she wasn't alone. Just a few steps behind her, inconspicuous behind a tree, her step-sister had overheard her conversation in full.

* * *

Cashmere stood in front of the student body, making her speech to be elected homecoming queen. The stud she had chosen, a overly built football team player named Cato, stood quietly next to her as she bid for the crown.

Her speech on tradition had gotten a couple of hollers from the crowd, but she knew it was going to be overshadowed when Katniss and Johanna showed up. And just as she had expected, when the girls walked in the room and the principal announced them, everyone went wild. Katniss thrust their hands up in the air again in a show of solidarity, eliciting whistles and cheers from the excited students. Johanna found Finnick in the audience, sitting next to his friend Gale, and they both beamed at them. It seemed like everyone was genuinely excited for them.

Cashmere grabbed the microphone, splitting everyone's ear drums with the feedback through the sound speaker in the gymnasium.

"Don't cheer for them! They're faking it! I overheard them talking on the quad. They're _mocking _the gay rights movement!" Cashmere smugly let go of the microphone and crossed her arms over her chest. The principal turned to the girls.

"Is this true?"

Johanna stood, frozen. How did Cashmere hear them? That sneaky little underhanded bitch was always exactly where she shouldn't be. Her eyes went to Katniss, who looked rife with guilt. Guilt wasn't the only presence in her eyes; Johanna could watch as Katniss's dreams slowly deflated like a ten-day-old birthday balloon.

"I can explain," Katniss began in a low voice.

However, Johanna couldnt handle it. She couldn't handle seeing her friend so low. This whole charade of being lesbians had made Katniss look happy in a way she hadn't seen her since before her father died. For once Katniss wasn't the poor girl with the dead dad. She was something special, which Johanna always knew to be true, but now others were seeing it as well.

"If we were faking it, would I do this?" Johanna grabbed her friend by the arm and whirled her around. Her brown eyes met the familiar gaze of the grey ones which were currently filled with uncertainty. Without waiting Johanna cupped the sides of Katniss's face as brought their lips together, kissing her friend softly. A stream of confetti fell around them as their peers stood up and cheered. Johanna couldn't hear them. Her mind was only cognizant of one thing: kissing Katniss. Her lips softly explored her friend's, her tongue cruising along Katniss's bottom lip.

She felt the small pressure of Katniss's hands on her waist and she slowly pulled away. The entire room felt like it was spinning. The heat in her body seemed like it was a gasoline fire through her veins, igniting every nerve she didn't even know she had. Katniss's eyes were hooded for a moment, her lips swollen and parted from the deep kiss. Johanna felt herself biting back the urge to kiss her again.

"Whoa." Katniss's focus came back to her, a wide smile on her lips.

"I know," Johanna replied shakily.

"Way to sell it!" Johanna nodded weakly as they both turned to the crowd. Katniss stepped forward to wave at them, blowing them kisses. Johanna stood behind her, her eyes still unfocused. In the split second that she had decided to kiss Katniss, she didn't expect it to feel like this. She didn't expect it to feel like one thousand fireworks going off inside her stomach. She did not foresee the ache that her lips felt as she saw Katniss's face after pulling away from her. If the raging libidinous feeling inside her was any indication...

She was fucked.

* * *

Author's Note: I recently (this past week) watched the MTV show "Faking It" and of course, immediately wanted to put Katniss and Johanna in there because my mind has one gear: Joniss. For those of you unfamiliar with the show, the premise is as such: Two longtime best friends get mistaken for lesbians at a party and decide to go with it for popularity's sake at a very liberal high school in Texas. One girl is after a popular boy, while the other struggles with the fact that she is _not _"faking it" and is probably in love with her best friend. And a lesbian.

Let me know what you guys think! I'm always excited to hear your thoughts. Don't be a stranger now, and leave a review or drop me a PM.

- T.


	2. Chapter 2

Johanna opened her eyes, confused as she found herself staring into the wide open gray eyes of her best friend. For a moment she was very disoriented; was she in her own bed? A quick look down at her plaid comforter confirmed that. Katniss smiled at her friend and lifted up her hand to run it through the disheveled strands of Johanna's wild black hair.

With nary a word spoken she moved her body on top of Johanna and lowered her head down, kissing her deeply. Johanna immediately felt heat rush to every inch of her body from her scalp to her toes; her hands (acting as if she had ever been in this position before, which she had not) moved along Katniss's sides. Aggressively she reversed their positions, her knees pushing into the bed on either side of Katniss's hips.

The grin on her face was still there when she woke up to the loud ringing of her alarm clock. Her grin evanesced and a grim, thin line of disgust. 7:30am. What an absolutely ungodly hour to wake up. Johanna let slip around forty-thousand swear words as her bare feet hit the cold hardwood of her bedroom. She ran her fingers through her bed-head hair and stretched as far up as she could when her body rose from the bed. Her body folded in half as she touched her toes, grabbing the nubs with the tops of her fingers.

"Have a nice dream in there?" Cashmere's voice startled Johanna to the point where the typically more coordinated girl fell over and landed with a perfunctory thud on the floor.

With an intense scowl on her face she looked up at her soon to be step-sister. Cashmere looked already perfectly put together with her blonde hair in ringlets down her shoulders, her make-up perfectly applied like she had walked out of a Cosmo magazine. "What the fuck are you doing in my room?"

The insufferable smirk on Cashmere's face made Johanna want to dump her in the toilet and give her a swirly. "And what are you talking about?" Johanna asked icily, trying her best to look intimidating and annoyed in her pink sleep shorts and white tank top.

Cashmere ran her tongue along her bottom lip as she entered Johanna's room from their shared bathroom. In a move very unlike her she stepped further into Johanna's room. It was an unspoken rule between the two girls that they didn't enter each other's rooms. Cashmere sat down on the edge of Johanna's bed, bouncing on the mattress with a few light jumps. "I asked you a question."

"The fuck you did, I don't care. Get out of my room before I call my mom in here." Johanna was not above shouting for her mother when she fought with Cashmere. Even though her mother always advocated a peaceful solution instead of just letting Johanna throw Cashmere out of the two-story window.

"Call _our _mom in here," Cashmere retorted with a narrowing of her green eyes. Johanna's entire body tensed at Cashmere's possessive use of her mother. She hated how much her mother liked Cashmere. It very much made her question her mother's judgement. "See if I care. I'll enjoy watching you tell her that your morals are so thoroughly dubious that you're stooping to mocking gay rights for popularity."

It had been several days since Johanna and Katniss had kissed at the voting ceremony. Their relationship hadn't changed except that Johanna couldn't stop thinking about the kiss. Last night was not the first dream she had where she woke up sweaty and confused. "What do you want?" Johanna didn't want to give in to Cashmere's demands but she also didn't want Katniss to be exposed at school as a fraud. Or exposed as kind-of-sort-of a fraud in front of her mother.

"I'm running for student body president. I want you and your 'girlfriend' to not only publicly support me, but I want you to help me run my bake sale for the Young Republicans' Group."

Johanna raised one eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest. "Since when are you in any clubs that aren't mandatory or feature men in jock straps?"

Cashmere scoffed and rolled her eyes in extreme annoyance. "I'm not in the club, doofus. Ew. They agreed to support my candidacy for president if I ran their bake sale. If _you _run their bake sale, then I can go shopping and still have their support. How progressive of the only lesbians in school to help support the Young Republicans. It'll be fantastic."

"And remind me again why I'm doing this?"

Cashmere stood from Johanna's bed and smoothed down her skirt. She plodded a few steps across the carpet toward her step-sister and tilted her head to the side. She picked up her hand and placed it condescendingly on Johanna's shoulder. "Because I know two secrets about you Johanna, that you don't want anyone to know."

Johanna's face twisted in confusion. "Two?"

Cashmere nodded. "Mhm. One, that you are not Katniss's girlfriend. And two," Cashmere paused and went to Johanna's bedroom door and twisted the handle. "That you want to be." Johanna was dumbfounded, her mouth agape she watched Cashmere saunter down the hallway like a preening peacock. "Meet me at the bake sale after school. The east wing, three p.m." The blonde stopped in her tracks, turning to face Johanna from the hallway. "Oh, and, wear something that is more Rachel Maddow and less Sarah McLachlan today, k? Toodles!"

* * *

Johanna jogged up to her locker where Katniss was waiting for her, a smile on her friend's face. Despite how upset she was at Cashmere's blackmail, Katniss's smile never failed to make her smile as well. "Hey, we need to talk."

Katniss nodded. "We definitely do. You will not believe what just happened. So Gale Hawthorne just asked me to help him run for student body president!" Johanna's eyes enlarged and she said nothing as Katniss continued. "He wanted to know if you and I would be okay with doing a little photoshoot for his campaign. Like those NOH8 campaign photoshoots but for Gale!"

"Well you'll have to tell him no," Johanna replied casually, shoving her books in her locker. The appalled look on Katniss's face was immediate. "I already promised Cashmere we'd back her. We have to run the Young Republicans' Bake Sale today after school."

"No," Katniss said cautiously, "we are supporting Gale. Why the hell would we support the Republicans? They don't even like gays."

Johanna took Katniss by the elbow and escorted her away from the busy school hallway and toward an abandoned classroom. "We're not gay, Katniss. And because Cashmere knows we're faking it," Johanna whispered through her teeth at her friend. "And she will make my life a living hell if she can."

"Johanna," Katniss whined, "why would you give in to her? So what if she thinks we're faking it? No one else does. It would be her word against the entire school. Can't you just do this for me?"

Johanna felt her temper flare inside her in a way in rarely did with Katniss. She knew she possessed her father's temper but it rarely reared its ugly head. Until now. "Are you fucking kidding?" Johanna asked shrilly. "_Everything _I've been doing has been for you. Pretending to be a lesbian in front of the entire school just so _you_ can be popular. And now," Johanna barked out a short laugh, "now I'm asking you to do something for me and you can't because you want to be on Gale Hawthorne's dick. The guy thought your name was Catnip until Freshman year and you've known him since kindergarten."_  
_

Johanna felt light-headed as her fists clenched at her sides, her brown eyes nearly black with rage as she stared at her best friend. "Some fucking friend you are. And a terrible girlfriend." The raven-haired teenager stormed passed her dumbstruck friend angrily back into the hallway and disappeared into the crowd of students. She was very glad her first class didn't have Katniss in it; she couldn't stand to even look at her. Her best friend who was so willing to throw Johanna around just for some guy's attention.

Jealousy wasn't at all a factor.

* * *

When the bell for Johanna's lunch period rang her rage was keeping her stomach full so she didn't go to meet Katniss outside. Instead she took to the art room where she found solace in the pounding music she played from the stereo and the fumes of the paint she began finely applying to the canvas. Not too far in to making her painting Finnick Odair walked into the room.

"My favorite lesbian, Johanna Mason. How the hell are you?" Finnick turned the volume down on the stereo and tossed a notebook by the window. He propped himself up on the old radiator and swung his legs.

"I've been better," Johanna replied with her eyes still trained on the canvas before her.

"Trouble in paradise? Please don't Melissa Etheridge this and break all our hearts." Johanna looked at him briefly in confusion before turning her attention back to the art. "Duh. Melissa Etheridge. Blowing through wives. Making gay marriage look bad. Keep up with the times, sheesh. What kind of lesbian are you?"

"Apparently a terrible one since my girlfriend's obsessed with some guy." Johanna spat that sentence out so fast Finnick's head almost spun. When Johanna realized what she said, her hand stilled on the painting.

"Slow your roll," Finnick ordered with his hand up. "Crazy lesbian say what?"

Johanna sucked in a deep breath and looked at Finnick. "If I tell you something can you promise to not tell anyone?" Finnick nodded eagerly. He consumed gossip like water. "No, I mean really promise. This goes no further than right here or I will rip your throat out."

"Scout's honor, now spill."

Johanna closed her eyes. "Katniss and I are faking it. We aren't really together. Katniss thought it would make us popular so we went with it. But now she's using it to try and get with Gale Hawthorne and I ...may or may not be having problems with that."

Finnick raised one of his blonde eyebrows at Johanna as he took in this information. "You're having problems because...?"

"I don't know! It's complicated. We got into a big fight and I'm feeling a lot of confusing feelings and now I'm angsty and listening to heavy metal."

"Yeah I heard," Finnick replied with a grimace. He hopped off the radiator and walked to Johanna, eyeing the painting. Currently it was just a few smudges of brown and green. "Well, I'm always here to listen once you figure out what's bothering you. And I won't tell anyone about your little secret." Finnick winked at Johanna as he strut out of the room, leaving the raven-haired girl alone with her music, her art, and her thoughts.

* * *

During their lunch period Katniss and Johanna typically met on the stairs in the quad. It was the perfect spot to people watch in the middle of the day. Today however, Johanna was nowhere to be found. Katniss sat alone on the cement steps, drinking her thermos of lamb stew and gazing out across the field. She hadn't seen Johanna that angry since the seventh grade when a boy had pushed Katniss into a locker. Johanna had nearly ripped the poor boy's head off before a teacher finally intervened.

Johanna was always trying to protect Katniss. Which was sweet but sometimes unnecessary and oftentimes excessive. When they ventured into this situation together she thought they were on the same page. She had assumed Johanna's disregard for popularity was a defense mechanism; what sixteen-year-old doesn't want to be popular?

Maybe they were more different than Katniss thought. Her train of thought was interrupted when Gale sat down next to her on the steps. She looked over at him, a blush finding its way to her cheeks. "Mind if I sit down?"

"It's a free country, the stairs are public property. I wouldn't say it would be crossing a line." Katniss smiled at the brown-haired boy and shifted politely so he would have more room. Even though there was copious amounts of room on the cement steps to begin with.

"Where's your girlfriend?" Gale asked genuinely whilst he unwrapped his sandwich from within his paper bag.

Katniss sighed. "We had a fight. My guess is that she's either in the art room painting or on the roof avoiding me." Katniss squinted her eyes to look to the roof of the school as if she could see Johanna up there. "We are just very different people. I didn't realize how different until today. She can be so fucking stubborn." When she didn't see her up there she returned her eyes to Gale, who was staring at her thermos. Suddenly she was very embarrassed about her bizarre choice of lunch. "Sorry if it smells weird. I promise it tastes amazing."

"What is it?"

"Lamb and plum stew that my mother makes," Katniss explained, capping the thermos and sticking it back into her backpack. She placed her hands in front of her and peered over at Gale's sandwich. "Peanut butter, huh? You know I haven't eaten peanut butter in ten years because Johanna is allergic."

Gale smiled and handed Katniss one of the two triangles of his sandwich. "Go ahead and have a bite then." With a smile Katniss obliged, taking a small bite of Gale's sandwich. "How is it?"

"Horrible with the lamb stew taste in my mouth," Katniss replied, swallowing down the sticky sandwich. "But tastes like freedom." Gale grinned at Katniss and motioned for her to continue eating the sandwich. The brunette stared down at the bread unhappily. "It hasn't been all bad though. She's the only person I can watch TV with because she never talks during commercials and she's always down to retrieve the snacks." The gray-eyed girl didn't look up from her sandwich as she continued. "And when my dad died she was the only person who could make me smile."

Gale bit his lower lip and nodded in agreement. "I hear that. When my dad died my sister was the only person who made me happy. It took me a while before I could let other people in."

Katniss had forgotten that Gale's father was dead too. Her father had died when she was twelve in an explosion at his job. Some faulty gas pipes had caught fire and his entire bank burned to the ground within minutes. Gale's father had died in the blaze as well; he was a firefighter who had gone in to save more trapped people and never emerged.

He had just been a gawky pre-teen then, as was she. They paid no attention to each other. But in the last few years Gale shot up in height, his body filled in with muscles and he never had to be alone on a Friday or Saturday night. Katniss had floundered into relative obscurity until mistakenly outed by Finnick Odair.

Katniss didn't like the attention that being without a father had brought upon her so she never talked about it. Gale didn't seem to want to speak about it either. She had relied so heavily on Johanna during that time. Every night Johanna slept at her house and talked her through nightmares or cuddled her as she slept. When the night terrors woke her and she screamed for her father, it was Johanna who calmed her and got her back to sleep. It was Johanna who had acted like an older sister to Katniss's own little sister Primrose when Katniss was too overcome with grief. Johanna took Prim to ballet and made sure her lunch was packed for school. She never asked for anything in return.

When Katniss's mother had almost lost her job out of depression, it was Johanna who got her own mother to help out. Mrs. Mason had practically adopted Katniss and her sister during that time so her mother could grieve. Katniss handed her sandwich back to Gale and slung her backpack over her shoulder. "Hey, listen. Johanna's step-sister kind of blackmailed Johanna into forcing us to support her so I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to help you run for president."

Gale furrowed his eyebrows. "Blackmail?"

"Yeah." Katniss shifted uncomfortably in her leather boots. "You know how siblings are. And Cashmere's a bitch. But anyway I'm sorry. I have to help her."

"I understand," Gale replied with a small, genuine smile. "See you around Catnip." Katniss flashed Gale a smile and jogged down the steps and back toward the school. When Johanna was mad at her, which was very rare, she retreated into two things: heights, because Katniss was afraid of them, or art, because that was Johanna's escape.

Katniss made her way toward the art room which was in a particularly deserted area of the school. Music blared down the empty hallway as Katniss approached which was essentially the Bat Signal that Johanna was in there. The art teacher Miss Hayes was a former morphling addict who often showed up to school painted in different colors. Katniss was always kind of afraid of her, but she adored Johanna and vice versa. Not that Johanna would ever talk about it or let anyone see her work, but Miss Hayes insisted Johanna was an extraordinary talent. Many beautiful paintings and sketches with no name on them were around the classroom and Katniss had always assumed they were Johanna's.

Miss Hayes often let Johanna in the classroom during her free period or after school to paint or help her with some work. When Johanna's dad had gotten arrested for the last time, she had spent almost all of her time in the art room. Katniss had wanted to be there for her but she refused any emotional help. Once her father was finally sent to jail/rehab Johanna seemed to return to normal. The two friends, in spite of knowing everything about each other, never spoke of that time again.

Johanna would never let Katniss see her work, but she did let Katniss sit with her while she drew paintings or sketches. Katniss loved those times. It was relaxing to watch Johanna become so focused and absorbed in her art. She let herself be consumed by it. Katniss took the opportunity that presented itself since the loud music hid the noise of her presence to sit on the table in front of Johanna's easel and watch her friend work.

Johanna's face had a streak of green paint across her cheek and her dark hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail. A veritable palette of paint was smattered all across the smock was she was wearing over her clothes. Katniss watched Johanna pause and put the end of the paintbrush in her mouth and hold it between her teeth. Her brown eyes were enlarged as they took in the whole of her painting.

Finally her heavily lined brown eyes flickered over to Katniss and the paintbrush clattered to the floor in surprise. The initial shock of seeing Katniss in the art room wore off as the surprise melted down into anger. Johanna took the black tarp next to her and tossed it over her easel. Of all the paintings she had ever done, this was one she never wanted Katniss to see. She was good at "faking it" but that did not translate to her art.

"Hey," Katniss greeted in a small voice, hopping off the table to go toward the stereo. She turned off the music and leaned against the tall radiator that sat in front of the windows. Johanna busied herself with collecting her paintbrushes and dumping them into the metal sink. She fervently washed the brushes out, staring into the water as it swirled with brown and green and beige.

"Why are you here?" Johanna inquired without looking away from the sink. She lathered some soap into her hands and began to try and scrub away the paint on her hands. She used a nearby scouring pad to get the dried flakes of paint off her skin.

Katniss approached from behind and stood next to the sink as Johanna aggressively scrubbed her skin. "Whoa, slow down there Lady Macbeth." Johanna stopped scrubbing and looked over at Katniss, not able to muzzle the smile on her lips at Katniss's joke. "I came to apologize. I'm sorry I've been a little crazy about Gale recently. It made me a bad friend and I don't want to be that."

Johanna removed her apron and exposed her tailored black button-down blouse that was underneath. She tossed the smock over a chair and crossed her arms over her chest. "Well don't stop now, it's just getting good."

"I'm sorry. I know Cashmere can be a real bitch. You know I'm always here to keep her off your back." Katniss opened her arms and stretched them out in front of her. "Come in for the hug. You know you want it."

The darker-haired girl relented and stepped into Katniss's hug, wrapping her arms around her best friend. There was a certain rightness that Johanna always felt in the arms of Katniss. No matter how dire her situation was an embrace from Katniss never failed to make her feel better. Now though, a lingering sense of fear shook through her when they were close. A lingering fear that somehow Katniss would be able to tell how she was feeling. They were always so attuned to each other, surely she could _feel _it.

"Good. Now. Let's get that green paint off your face and get to this bake sale." Johanna's hand went to her face where she felt the dried tightness of paint on her. Her face flushed with embarrassment as she grabbed the scouring pad and began dotting at her skin.

* * *

Finnick bumbled around the art room desperately trying to find his small sketchbook he had left before school ended. He had written some of his plans for the upcoming Homecoming dance in there and was going to be in deep trouble if it was lost. A large tarp over an easel caught his eye as he rummaged through a pile of forgotten textbooks and notebooks.

He slowly lifted the tarp and his sparkling green eyes opened up as large as they could as he took in the painting. It was a stunning painting of Katniss Everdeen. If Katniss were here she would probably think this was a mirror instead of a canvas. A very flattering canvas, Finnick thought as he tilted his head and examined it. Every facet, freckle, strand of hair on Katniss's face as dutifully and lovingly rendered. Her mouth was upturned in a small, shy smile that Finnick wasn't sure he had ever seen. Her hair was down and plaited in a braid that wrapped over her shoulder. A few stray strands of her fringe framed her face with one falling over her gray eyes.

Her eyes. Finnick was sure he had never seen a painting so vividly capture emotion in someone's eyes before. It was the perfect color of gray, with a hint of green and blue. As if the sun was reflecting off the color of her irises. Whoever painted this had spent a very long time looking at Katniss Everdeen. And he knew who that "whoever" was.

Johanna walked into the room and then froze in place when she saw Finnick Odair looking at her painting. When their eyes met across the room, Johanna felt locked in place like a deer. There was no need for her to speak; she couldn't defend herself. Her brown eyes watched Finnick's green ones as he slowly clicked all the pieces into place.

"Oh, honey. We need to talk." Finnick finally saw his notebook by the window out of the corner of his eye. He grabbed it quickly and exited the art room, throwing his arm over Johanna's shoulder. "The good news is, I think we know what your problem is."

The pair walked down the deserted hallway together with the sound of their sneakers echoing down the corridor. "The bad news is she doesn't know how you feel about her, clearly." Johanna nodded sadly. "So why not just tell her? Carpe diem!"

Johanna rolled her eyes at Finnick's exuberance. "Easier said than done. She's been my best friend since kindergarten. She doesn't feel the same way I do. And I'll tell her and it'll be awkward and we won't be friends anymore. We'll graduate and go to different colleges and stay in touch on birthdays on Facebook. And one day I'll see her in the grocery store when she's home on break and we'll say hello and act like at one time we didn't know everything there was to know about each other."

Johanna's eyes rose from the floor to meet Finnick's sympathetic gaze. "I can't lose her. She's all I have. And she's not a lesbian. I'm not even sure I'm a lesbian."

"It's a little early for the label-maker, dear." Finnick kissed Johanna's temple affectionately, patting her on the arm as they exited the empty school and on to the yard outside. "You won't know how she feels unless you tell her."

Johanna shook her head fervently. "Not an option."

Finnick let out a sigh and stared up into the blue sky above them. "Okay then maybe let's try a diversion. Maybe you can find another good-looking girl and have a real girlfriend instead of a fake one?" When Johanna didn't answer the golden-haired boy took that as a yes and clapped excitedly. "Great. Come by my house tomorrow at four. We'll peruse zee interwebs and find you a hot mama to be your first hook-up."

"...Great."

* * *

Author's Note - Thanks for the great responses; keep 'em coming! I'm obviously diverging a BIT from the original plot of Faking It but I'm staying true enough. Thanks for reading!

P.S. - I will try to be steady with updates every week but my job is super time-consuming so I don't know how dedicated I can be to an every week deal. I will try my best, all.


	3. Chapter 3

"You told me to be honest!" Johanna complained loudly, flopping back on to Finnick's bed with an exaggerated huff of frustration. She handed the iPad back to him and he shook his head sadly.

"Honest, yes but not repugnant!" He used his finger to lightly scroll down Johanna's dating profile. "Basically you're stating here your only interests are food and television. Are you trying to get matched with Roseanne Barr?"

"Those are my only interests. I'm pretty simple."

"Oh my sweet naive chickling. You are anything but simple." The pinging noise of a "match" interrupted their verbal volleying. They exchanged two very surprised looks and quickly went to see who could have been lured by Johanna's self-deprecating and all-together pretty pathetic dating profile. "Any girl who replies that soon is going to be a little rough. Like ruff ruff."

Johanna sneered at her friend and placed her attention back to the iPad. Finnick was wrong. This girl was very pretty. Dark, curly brown hair, bright blue eyes, skin just a few shades darker than Katniss. "Um I win. Pretty, likes staying in and watching movies, and is looking forward to college."

Finnick grinned his dimpled grin as he typed out a reply for her. "Would love to meet you. How's five tomorrow sound? Hot Beans cafe on Washington Street? Here's my number." The light-haired boy finished Johanna's message for her and closed the tablet. "You got lucky girl. Now we have to decide what you're going to wear." Finnick placed his hands together as if he was in prayer and placed them against his lips. "I'll come by yours tomorrow after school and we'll pick one out."

Johanna rolled her eyes. "I think I'm capable of dressing myself." When Finnick stated down his nose at her in disbelief she reached behind her and whacked his pillow against his head.

* * *

"Hey stranger," Katniss said as she leaned against the locker next to Johanna's. She hadn't heard from Johanna, not even a text, since yesterday after the bake sale. Katniss had spent the rest of that afternoon helping Gale out up posters for his campaign. It was her compromise for not being able to help as much as she wanted.

"Hey you," Johanna replied with a smile. She felt immeasurably better about her situation with Katniss. If this date went well then it would have a twofold benefit: she could get her best friend back and also be more certain of her elusive sexuality. The uncertainty was making Johanna insane. Most of all, she wanted things with Katniss to go back to normal. "What's up?"

"Nothin' much. Didn't hear from you last night so I'm making sure you didn't die." Johanna rolled her eyes at Katniss's dramatics and closed her locker.

"Safe and sound. I was hanging out with Finnick." Katniss nodded in understanding and walked with Johanna toward her first class. "Heard you were helping out Gale. Get anywhere?"

Katniss smiled happily and nodded as she bounced on her heels. "It was nice to talk to him without stuttering over my words. Oh! and he invited me, well us, to a protest this afternoon. That company The Capitol is trying to donate money to the school but it is pretty much just a private company buying a public school. He's super involved in helping out the common man."

Johanna listened half-heartedly to Katniss's rambling about Gale. It was still inordinately difficult for her to hear Katniss fawn over him. "I'm sorry Kat, I'm ...um, busy this afternoon after school. But go anyway. Go get protest-y. It's not really my thing anyway."

Truthfully it wasn't Katniss's thing either, but part of a successful relationship was compromise, right? "Oh. What are you doing?"

Johanna pursed her lips and looked toward her nearby home room. Thank goodness it was close because she was a truly awful liar. She briefly mused that it was a good thing she wasn't faking it, because the entire school would know in a matter of minutes. "I have to help Finnick with a thing. I'll see you later!" Johanna quickly disappeared into the classroom and sighed in relief as she sat herself in her chair behind her desk.

Katniss was not fooled. Johanna had a lot of admirable qualities and being a terrible liar was chief among them. She made it her mission to drag out of Finnick what exactly Johanna was up to after school.

* * *

Gale sat next to Katniss at lunch in the absence of Johanna with a smile. "Hey Catnip. You still coming to the protest? It's at five here on the quad. A bunch of people from town are coming. Even the mayor might be coming."

Katniss nodded as enthusiastically as she could with a mouthful of sandwich. When she could finally swallow she spoke. "Absolutely! Wouldn't miss it for anything. Damn the man."

Gale smiled widely and stood up. "Cool. Well enjoy your lunch. I'll see you after school." With a short wave he slung his backpack over his shoulder and bounded down the steps.

Like a revolving door, Finnick sat in the spot Gale had just vacated. "I heard you wanted to talk to me?"

Getting Finnick's attention was like throwing up the Bat Signal into the sky. She just had to whisper it around and eventually, he would appear. "Yes. Johanna is being super secretive about her plans after school. She said she was hanging out with you. Is that true?"

Finnick bit his lower lip, suddenly wishing he had a Twix to stall for time. Surely by lying that meant Johanna didn't want Katniss to know where she was going. But if she was going to get what she really wanted seeing if Katniss was jealous would be a perfect opportunity.

"If she didn't tell you I'm not going to."

Katniss's gray eyes lit up. "Aha! But she is lying." Katniss's eyebrows knitted in thought. "Why would she lie to me?" She turned her gaze to Finnick who tried to look as innocent as possible. It fooled neither of them. "What do you know, Odair?"

Finnick shrugged his shoulders. "I know nothing. Besides, aren't you going to be busy with Hawthorne's protest?" After having a long talk with Johanna, Finnick's patience for Katniss's pursuit of Gale was thin. Gale Hawthorne was a great guy. He was honest, smart, good-looking and funny. Any girl would be lucky to have him. But Johanna's deep and moving devotion to Katniss was more than Gale could ever hope to offer.

Annoyance was painted clear on Katniss's face. "Yes but that's beside the point. Johanna never lies to me."

"It's probably more complicated than just lying to you. If I had to guess. Maybe there's things about her you don't know."

Finnick hadn't meant to be harsh and he could see how hurt Katniss was in hearing that her friend had blatantly lied to her. However he wanted to compel Katniss to want to see what Johanna was up to. He let go a long sigh as he put his hand on her knee. "If you really want to know, then text me later. I'll give you the details if you skip Gale's thing."

It was a strange ultimatum. Skip Gale's protest and Katniss could find out Johanna's plans after school. Why were those two things mutually exclusive? Finnick got up and left Katniss alone to decide what she wanted to do. Hopefully he had planted the right seeds otherwise he'd be on the end of Johanna's temper and that was not pleasant.

* * *

During her shared gym class with Johanna Katniss excused herself to use the bathroom. She detoured back to the locker room and found Johanna's locker. Her lock code was easy to guess because it was Katniss's birthday. Once she opened it she looked around to make sure the room was clear before she found Johanna's cell phone.

She knew what she was doing was wrong. But she wanted to know what Johanna was doing without having to sacrifice her time with Gale. She swiped open the screen and tapped on the messages icon. Immediately she saw an unfamiliar name: Alex.

_ALEX: Hey cutie can't wait to see you later._

_JOHANNA: :) me too._

Katniss tossed the phone back into the locker like a hot potato. Johanna had a secret date! With some guy named Alex! Why would she hide that? Perplexed, she made it her next mission to drag out of Finnick why Johanna would hide that from her.

When she found him after school, Finnick was by his locker. She approached the popular blond with a smug grin on her face. "Johanna has a date," Katniss stated proudly.

The boy raised his eyebrow and tilted his head to the right. There was no way Johanna told her. "What makes you think that?"

Katniss rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest impatiently. "I have my ways." Ways that involved breaking the basic trust of not invading someones's privacy but Finnick didn't need to know that. "She has a hot date with some boy named Alex and why would she tell you and not me?"

Finnick tsked Katniss under his breath. "Oh my poor confused Katniss. I don't know how you got that information but the intel is a little off." He closed his locker and looked down at his friend. "Like I said, you want the 411, text me."

Finnick left a very confused Katniss in his wake when he walked away from her. How was that not right? Those were very flirty texts. Johanna had sent him a smiley face. Katniss was at a bizarre juncture in her day: go to Gale's protest and spend time with him, or find out what her best friend was doing behind her back.

* * *

Katniss stood in the audience at the protest listening to Gale's impassioned speech. It was almost like watching Johanna paint. He was focused and intense; it wasn't as relaxing as the painting was though and Katniss found herself rapidly getting bored.

Johanna hadn't returned any of Katniss's texts since school ended. They very rarely went more than twelve hours without contact so she wasn't upset. Not yet. However as she stood surrounded by passionate protestors, Katniss found herself wishing Johanna was there so they could make fun of everyone together. This was exactly the thing that Johanna would have thought was stupid like Katniss did. And she felt like a terrible friend for snooping through Johanna's things and evidently not being as trustworthy as Finnick Odair.

Quickly she took out her phone and rattled off a message to Finnick.

_KATNISS: I need 2 know. Where is she?_

_FINNICK: You're a little late but if u want to see the magic come to the hot beans cafe. Be discreet. I'll wait 4 u in the corner booth._

Katniss hurried through the crowd and began toward the parking lot. The cafe? Katniss remembered that as a mostly gay coffee joint that she and Johanna had only been to maybe twice. It was not one of their regular hangouts like Mags' Ice Cream Shoppe or the local paint store. Why would she be there?

* * *

Katniss showed up as inconspicuously as possible, coming through the back door and quietly finding her way toward Finnick. The boy was wearing a baseball cap backward and a pair of large sunglasses. He looked exactly like a spy who would attract a lot of attention.

Katniss sat down across from him, amused. "That's a little much."

Finnick frowned and took off his sunglasses and placed them in his shirt. "Tehcnically I don't need the disguise but I like to get into character. It's you who needs to hide though."

"From what? Why is this some big secret? Where's Jo?" Finnick pointed in the general direction of Johanna and her date.

Katniss craned her head over the booth behind her and off to the right. Tucked away in an intimate corner near the pool tables she saw Johanna. She looked amazing. Her hair was curled but up in a ponytail, dressed in a slightly shimmering forest green tank top with a beige jacket over it. She threw her head back and laughed the high, chipmunk-like laugh she had when something was really funny. The only time Katniss could get her to laugh like that was when she tickled just below Johanna's ribs. She hated being tickled because of that laugh and was only ticklish there and Katniss did it often to win arguments.

On the other side of the table was Alex. Alex who was not a boy. A voluptuous, pretty girl with an oval face who looked amazing with her perfect curly hair and dazzling smile. Her hand was on top of Johanna's, her fingertips tracing Johanna's knuckles like they'd known each other forever. Whatever story she was telling was still making Johanna laugh harder than Katniss had ever seen. They looked so intimate and involved Katniss felt intrusive just looking at them.

Katniss slowly turned back to Finnick, who was actively trying to gauge her reaction. For a while she offered none. She just kept stealing glances over at their table. But she felt terrible doing that because her weird feelings toward them didn't deserve to even be possibly felt by Johanna. She deserved to be happy and she looked happy.

"Johanna's gay?" Katniss asked finally, innocently looking toward Finnick. It didn't change the fact that Johanna was her best friend, but it certainly complicated their fake-ationship. "Why wouldn't she tell me? How would I not know?"

"I don't know if _she_ even knows. She came to me for help so I helped. She's just looking for some clarity."

Katniss cast a bitter glance toward their table. "Well I'm sure Gorgeous McHoldyhands is very helpful as well."

Finnick sniggered and took a sip of his soda. There certainly was a hint of jealousy there. Perhaps there was hope after all for Johanna. Though looking at how she was gazing at her date, Katniss's latent jealously might be too late. "Maybe. All I know is she doesn't want to lose you. She loves you a lot, you know that right?"

"Of course. And I love her too. Her maybe being gay or bi doesn't change anything. I'd love her no matter what. I know she knows that." Katniss was flabbergasted that Johanna didn't trust her with this personal piece of information. They had planned on getting married and living next door to each other with their husbands and growing old on porches together. Not keeping secrets and getting girlfriends behind each other's backs.

"Like I said, maybe it's not that simple." Katniss aimed her glare in Finnick's direction and the handsome boy sat back in his chair. He knew something, Katniss was sure. "Whoa save the laser beams for someone else. I'm just saying give her some time. Coming out can be very painful. Maybe Ellen Page and Ellen Degeneres make it look easy but it isn't. Just because Panem is accepting as a school and student body doesn't make it easy either. It's not just a cupcake you can hand to your friends. It's layers. There's coming out to yourself. Then your family. And if that doesn't kill you literally or figuratively, you come out to your friends." Finnick sighed. "It can be very lonely. It's nice to have someone to help you through that journey."

With that his gaze went to Alex and Johanna, who seemed to truly be hitting it off.

Katniss followed his gaze and stared at them. They did make a cute couple. Katniss didn't know how she felt about it. On the one hand she was excited for her friend; Johanna hadn't dated anyone ever. While Katniss had a few non serious boyfriends Johanna had always been there to be mad at him or with a pint of ice cream. Katniss never had the opportunity to be on the other end of that for her.

On the opposing hand, Katniss felt a twinge of jealousy. The origin of which she couldn't exactly decipher. Was she jealous that wouldn't have all of Johanna's attention anymore? That must be it. Well that's just stupid, Katniss tried to tell herself. You are a terrible person if you can't be happy for your best friend. But Johanna couldn't keep this a secret anymore. If they had to stop pretending to be together than that was okay. Katniss could deal. She couldn't deal with not being in the loop in Johanna's life. It had been painful when they were kids and Johanna's parents got divorced and her dad went to jail. Johanna hadn't told her anything was going on. She was just always anxious and closed-off. Katniss didn't want to go through that again.

She wanted to stay close with her even if Johanna now had someone else to talk to.

/

Johanna wasn't sure of the last time she had laughed so hard. Alex was extremely funny as well as being beautiful. She told stories of growing up in Los Angeles, of the famous people she went to school with, as well as stories of her huge family ("Five brothers. You can imagine how thrilled my parents were for a girl. And subsequently disappointed when they realized I'd never have their dream wedding. On account of the 'gay'"). Johanna had shared a bit of her life as well. She talked about her mother and her rise to being a fairly successful journalist. Her interest in art, her taste in music.

They took their date to a sculpture park Johanna had always been fond of. It was a large expanse of rolling hills and flat grass where a famous sculptor decades ago had erected towering metal sculptures across the field. It was spotted with benches but never with people. Johanna enjoyed to walk through the art when she was feeling melancholy. It was somewhere everyone in town knew of but no one ever went.

Alex was bold; she'd held Johanna's hand since the moment they left the restaurant. She was definitely more affectionate than Johanna and very comfortable in her sexuality. She wore it like a trendy jacket she knew fit her well. Johanna tried to soak in her confidence.

"So, Alex, I have something kind of weird to tell you."

Alex focused her blue eyes on Johanna, a playful grin on her lips. "As long as it isn't some weird fetish I'm sure it'll be okay."

Johanna's eyes widened innocently. "What? No no of course not." She saw the teasing glint in Alex's eyes and flushed embarrassedly. Alex was seventeen and even though she was a senior in high school and technically only a year older than her, the subtle two year difference in grade level sometimes felt as wide as a river.

"Relax Jo, I'm kidding. Go ahead. Lay it on me I can handle it."

Johanna inflated her lungs as full as she could get them. "My best friend Katniss I told you about. Well a week or so ago we were mistaken for lesbians at a party. Together. And Katniss thought going along with it would make her -well, us, popular. Which is important to her for whatever reason. Anyway. We've been acting as a couple since then. And I'll understand if you are totally done with me because of this."

Alex was puzzled but she just shook her head. "Whoa slow down. Okay so you pretend to be gay with your best friend to be popular. Not the weirdest thing anyone's ever done. But I mean, you clearly are _kinda_ gay unless I'm totally reading this wrong. Doesn't that complicate things?"

Johanna let out a harsh laugh as the girls sat on a nearby bench. She held Alex's hand in her lap, playing with her long fingers. "It would be if she knew." Alex raised one of her dark eyebrows nearly off her head. "Don't judge me. I didn't know I had these feelings until I kissed her. And then I had a _lot_ of feelings."

Alex cleared her throat. "So let me get this straight, in a manner of speaking. You didn't know you liked girls until you kissed your straight best friend while pretending to be a lesbian." Alex let out a stream of air, gazing at a tall metal sculpture out to their right. "I guess the question is, did you feel something because it was Katniss or because she's a girl?"

Johanna shrugged. She had no idea. She didn't have any experience kissing anyone. This idea of a date had been Finnick's and she didn't know any more than she did before. Other than that she was most definitely attracted to Alex. But did that mean she was no longer attracted to Katniss?

"Only one way to find out I guess," Alex said with a sly grin. She used her free hand to turn Johanna's face toward her, tucking a stray curled strand of hair behind her ear. She leaned forward and pressed her lips experimentally against Johanna's. Alex's lips were soft. They felt different from Katniss's for sure, but soft similarly. There was a small spark, nothing like the fireworks she felt with Katniss or the inescapable heat. But sparks.

They broke apart and when Johanna looked at Alex she saw something she'd never seen before: someone blown away by kissing her. There was the similar slightly swollen, parted lips. The same slightly labored breath. But Alex's baby blue eyes were totally unfocused. It made Johanna smile.

"So what's the verdict?" Alex asked in jest, with just the slightest hint of breathiness and hope behind her question.

Johanna paused thoughtfully. She peered into the widening, descending horizon for a moment before turning back to Alex. "Inconclusive. We'll probably have to run more tests."

Alex slapped Johanna's thigh and kissed her on the cheek. "Is that right?"

Johanna nodded. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, each of them staring off into the distance. "I don't know how to tell her. I don't know how to tell her about you, about my feelings, about she and I pretending to be a couple."

Alex sighed, running her fingers through her dark hair. "Well I guess you tell her whatever you're comfortable saying. I mean this is only our first - of hopefully many - dates. You don't owe _me_ anything. If you need to keep up appearances for school, I understand. But if you want my advice, I do think that you should let her know."

Johanna shook her head in agreement. She was already dreading that conversation. 'Hey Katniss kissing you made me realize I'm probably a lesbian because I'm in love with you.' Ugh. The younger girl looked over at Alex. "How are you so impossibly cool about everything?"

Alex laughed, tucking her arm around Johanna's and leaned her head on her shoulder. "I'm not. It's all an elaborate ruse. That's my secret. I'm inwardly an emotional hot mess."

Johanna laughed again, leaning her head on top of Alex's. "You hide it well."

* * *

_JOEY: we need 2 talk r u free this afternoon after school?_

_KAT: r u breaking up with me? ;) of course. n e thing for my bestest bestie. mag's ice cream at 3?_

_JOEY: sounds amazing. C u then._

Katniss groaned as she read the text from Johanna. After seeing her so happy on her date, she had been trying to keep things normal between them. Johanna didn't act like anything was different. Katniss had stopped randomly kissing her for Instagram photos though. Something about it felt different now. She didn't want to force Johanna to feel like she was being unfaithful to her new girlfriend. If that's what they even were.

She was also busy making preparations with Finnick for homecoming. It was essentially a give in that she and Johanna were going to win. Cashmere had all but abandoned those hopes when the pair kissed at the assembly. So Katniss divided her time between hanging out with Gale and helping Finnick with prep. Of course she also made time for Johanna, but she hadn't seen much of her after school anymore. She assumed she was hanging out with Alex even though Johanna hadn't said anything.

Katniss went into the workshop classroom in search of Gale. She had a stack of flyers for his student body president campaign to give him. When she entered the room he was pounding away at a piece of metal with a mallet. His entire body moved as he did so, showing off his athletic physique with every strike.

"Geez what did that scrap of metal ever do to you?" Immediately Katniss had regrets about her choice of greeting. How superbly lame she sounded. Gale didn't seem to mind because he turned around and smiled.

"Funny. Are those my flyers?" he asked with a smile. Katniss nodded and handed them to him. He took off his work gloves and tossed them on the table. He examined the flyer and nodded his head. "Wow these look great Katniss. Thank you so much!"

Katniss grinned. "You're welcome. Since I can't do any real campaigning because of Cashmere, I convinced Johanna to draw that picture of you." Johanna had done a fantastic job, too. Gale looked like a superhero with a long flowing cape behind him, a big G on his chest like Superman.

"Well thank her for me because it looks awesome." They stood there in awkward silence staring anywhere in the room except at each other. "Listen do you maybe want to grab some nachos at the taco place?" Katniss didn't respond for a moment, she just looked very confused. Gale suddenly looked uncharacteristically self-conscious. "Not like a date. I know you have a girlfriend and I respect that."

"What?" Quickly Katniss put the pieces together. "Oh right. Johanna. My girlfriend. Well, um, I mean... Johanna and I have an open relationship." Gale opened his eyes extremely wide. Katniss stepped forward and placed her hand on Gale's chest. "So it _could_ be a date."

Katniss reached up on her toes and pressed her lips against Gale's gently. He responded quickly, placing his hands on either side of her face while he deepened their kiss.

* * *

Johanna sat alone in the ice cream parlor in front of a big, untouched, melting ice cream sundae. Katniss was over an hour late now which was unlike her. She had the unmistakeable feeling she had been ditched. She quickly took out her phone and typed off a text to Alex.

_J: Do you mind picking me up at Mags ice cream?_

_ALEX: Yeah sure is everything ok?_

_J: kinda. ...no. thank you._

Johanna dipped her spoon into the ice cream and ate some of it slowly. She didn't even like ice cream; this sundae was Katniss's favorite since they were little. Even little Mags behind the counter had been expecting Katniss to show up when Johanna had ordered it. She could see the confusion on her face when Johanna continued to sit alone.

Katniss came bursting through the door and nearly knocked over children as she ran toward Johanna. She slid into the booth and threw her bag down in such a whirlwind Johanna almost recoiled. "Ohmygod okay first I'm sorry I'm late but I promise it's not for no reason." Katniss looked like a balloon about to burst so Johanna stayed silent. "Gale kissed me."

Johanna blinked slowly. Her brain was trying to process that information but it kept getting rejected. "What?"

"Gale. I gave him your flyers - he loved them by the way - and he said he wanted to go out for nachos so we did but before that he kissed me. Gale Hawthorne actually kissed me." Katniss was so excited Johanna was almost excited for her, for a moment. But then the reality that not only did Katniss kiss someone else, but that she had almost completely blown her off for him, flared her legendary temper.

"Are you kidding? I ask you here for a serious talk and you blow me off to play tonsil hockey with Gale? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Johanna asked angrily, attracting the attention of the nearby patrons. Mostly offended parents with small children, but Johanna paid them no mind.

"Wait, what? Where is this coming from? I'm here because you asked me to be."

"Yeah like almost two hours ago, Katniss!" Johanna sighed. Over Katniss's shoulder she could see Alex's car pull up. The girl got out of the car and went around to the passenger's side, leaning on the door. Johanna brought her eyes back to Katniss. "I'm happy for you, really. But you are being really fucking selfish. You have been since the second I agreed to pretend to be your girlfriend."

Katniss balked. "I didn't force you into this, Jo."

Johanna's eyes narrowed dangerously and Katniss felt a very unfamiliar discomfort in her stomach. She had only met Johanna's dad about once, but she saw the same glint in his eye the one day Johanna had admitted to breaking a toy he had bought. In reality Katniss had broken it but Johanna insisted on taking the blame. He sent Katniss home immediately, but she remembered that dangerous look for the rest of her life.

"You know what Katniss? I don't even care anymore. I think that we should break-up."

The brunette's eyebrows were drawn together in confusion. Johanna slid out of the booth and stood up, slapping down a five dollar bill on the table. "Wait, you mean our fake relationship?"

"No," Johanna replied icily. "I mean our actual relationship. I thought you were my friend and I had important things to tell you. But instead you made out with some boy from school and completely forgot about me." She slammed both her palms down on the table and glared into Katniss's wide, gray eyes. "Do you have any idea how _marginalized_ I feel? I've given you all my time, _always_. And all I wanted was a tiny piece of yours and you just couldn't. So don't worry about me anymore. Now you can focus all your attention where you wanted to from the beginning: getting laid. Enjoy your fucking ice cream."

Johanna took off out the door right to Alex. Katniss turned around and watched from her seat as Johanna said a few words to the girl. Alex opened the car door for Johanna and let her in, casting a long glance into the restaurant as she went around the front of her car. She got in the car and Katniss watched as the two immediately kissed. Again a weird sensation of ...possessiveness? coursed through Katniss like a wildfire. Then the car suddenly tore out on to the street and disappeared from Katniss's view.

She stared down at the sundae Johanna had gotten for her. It was her favorite - mint chocolate chip ice cream with extra whipped cream, chocolate chips, two cherries, and a tiny drizzle of peanut butter. Exactly how she always ordered it, even though she hadn't had that sundae in years. Johanna was thoughtful like that.

She wanted to feel that Johanna was being absurd. So what if she was a little late? Something big had happened! But she knew, deep down, that she was selfish. Johanna never, ever, would have ditched her for anyone or anything. As Katniss played around with the half-melted pile of ice cream with her metal spoon, she vowed to prove that she was a good friend. She was going to gain back Johanna's trust.

Katniss had to get her best friend back because she had no idea how to cope without Johanna in her life.

* * *

Author's Note: Thanks for the continued feedback! Y'all are great! Turns out I can get a lot of writing done on the train to and fro as I commute so I will attempt to be more productive? Also I have off tomorrow so whoopee! Let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

Alex had just about enough of Johanna's awkward silence. She had walked up to the car and said "take me anywhere." So Alex got in her car and received the biggest, most desperate kiss she had ever gotten. And then? Nothing. Johanna sat in complete silence as Alex drove them around the county, aimless in direction, waiting for Johanna to speak.

"So I'm taking it that was Katniss in that ice cream parlor? And that your talk did not go well?"

Johanna held back from glaring at Alex because she knew the rhetorical question was genuine. She had spent the last twenty minutes stewing in anger, unable to coherently explain to Alex why she had run out of the shop so fast. "She fucking ditched me."

"She ditched you," Alex repeated in a flat tone, trying to draw out more of an explanation from the other girl. But it was like pulling teeth, Johanna was so guarded.

"I asked her to meet me at the ice cream parlor. It's kind of our place, you know? And I waited for two fucking hours. Two. Fucking. Hours, Alex. And for what? So she can storm in like she's God's gift to the fucking world and tell me how Gale The-World-Revolves-Around-My-Dick Hawthorne took her out for _nachos _and _kissed her_." Johanna sucked in a breath. "Meanwhile I'm over here with a new sexuality and possibly a new relationship and she can barely manage to pay attention."

Alex cleared her throat. A blush came on her cheeks but she quelled those feelings for the moment. "Okay so you booked it because you were pissed she was way late. Sounds reasonable enough. But unfortunately that doesn't solve your fake-ationship issue."

Her voice went soft. "Yes it does," Johanna replied. "I told her I didn't want to even be friends with her anymore."

Alex pulled her car into a driveway, cutting off the engine and shifting in her seat so she could face Johanna. Anyone with half a brain could tell how lost Johanna looked. Just a step away from crying but too proud to give in. "Oh sweetheart, she's your best friend. Come here." Alex motioned for Johanna to come closer so she leaned over and put her head on Alex's shoulder. The older girl wrapped her arm around Johanna's back, rubbing her arm soothingly. "You're not going to be okay if you don't fix things with her. I don't think you can cut out a lifetime of friendship like that."

"What friendship? All our relationship has ever been is me looking out for her. Me taking care of her." Johanna's voice broke with anger and sadness that was welling in her throat. "I never asked her for help. When I was little and my dad was around..." Alex felt Johanna tense and she moved her head to try and catch Johanna's eyes.

"You don't have to talk about it if you're uncomfortable, Jo."

"No, it's fine." Johanna sniffed and sat back up, tucking one of her legs beneath the other. "When I was little my dad used to drink a lot. And one day he just went off his rocker and almost -" Johanna swallowed down the lump in her throat, trying to use her anger to triumph over her sadness. She hadn't talked about her dad since he went to jail. It pained her deeply in her heart to recall those times. "Almost killed my mom. They fought so hard. I tried to stay out but he just wouldn't stop hitting her..." Her voice trailed into tears as she tried to keep speaking through short sobs.

"Hey, whoa, shh, it's okay. I mean it's not okay but you don't have to continue." Alex stroked Johanna's hair and rubbed the nape of her neck gently. "Do you want to come inside? This is my house, by the way. I didn't like, kidnap you and take you to my lab or anything."

Johanna bubbled out a short laugh and nodded her head. They exited the car and Alex led Johanna by the waist up her front steps and into her house. Alex lived just outside of Panem, Johanna just realized. She had recognized the street but didn't know exactly where she was. Not that it mattered, nobody was looking for her.

Alex led Johanna into the spacious, modern country kitchen and motioned for her to sit on the stool near the island. "Have a seat. You want a soda or something?"

"Um, just water if you have any. Thanks."

Alex smiled. "If I have any water, hmm. I'll check." She winked at Johanna and rummaged around the cabinets for glasses. She poured herself and Johanna two glasses of water and sat next to her on another stool. Johanna took a few sips of the water and smiled appreciatively.

She let out a long sigh and looked up into Alex's clear blue eyes. She found a focus, an undivided attention that she had been so lacking that she nearly cried again. She reminded herself to toughen up and continued her story. "Anyway, I jumped on him and he almost threw me through a wall." Alex looked a mixture of horrified and angry. "The neighbors called the cops and they took him away. They told me not to worry, that he would be going away for good. It wasn't the first time he had done it, it was just the first time it had gone that badly."

"I know it doesn't mean anything now but I'm so sorry, Jo. That's awful to deal with. Especially for a kid." Alex took Johanna's hand and held it in her own.

"Thanks." Johanna sighed. "So I lived in this constant fear that he would come back. I slept with the lights on for eight months while his trial was being put together. My mother tried to tell me that we were safe but we never felt safe. I could even see the lingering fear in her eyes. You don't forget that. You don't forget what your mother looks like when she's afraid for your life." She took another long sip of water, wiping her tears with the tips of her fingers. "But he went to jail. He'll be there for another two years I think. He's tried to write to me a bunch of times but I always burn the letters before I even open them."

Johanna looked back up at Alex. "I never told Katniss any of this." Her blue eyes widened in surprise. "I didn't want her pity. Her mom was going through a lot of stuff with her dad dying and her little sister didn't understand. I didn't want to be a burden. But I kept always thinking, don't you see? Can't you tell how much pain I'm in? But she never did. She never said anything. What kind of friend doesn't notice that?"

Alex nodded in understanding. "I appreciate you telling me. I'm honored to have your trust like that." She offered the raven-haired girl a genuine, open smile and it was returned in full.

"I'm sorry I just unloaded that on you. You must think I'm a total fucking nutjob."

Alex brushed her off. "Please, we all have our family drama. Yours is just more dramatic than most. But it's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm impressed at your fortitude. You're a fighter, Jo." She secured a rogue strand of Johanna's hair behind her ear. "I like that about you."

"'Impressed at my fortitude.' You sound like my shrink."

Alex's mouth moved in an offended 'o' shape. "What would you like to hear instead? That I find your strength incredibly sexy?" Johanna grinned. "Yeah you're right that sounds better." The curly-haired girl leaned forward and captured Johanna's lips in a soft kiss. Johanna pushed herself forward even further, tangling her fingers in the other girl's hair. Alex felt inspirited by their kiss and hopped off her stool. Her hands slid underneath Johanna's knees and the younger girl wrapped around the back of Alex's legs. She lifted her up on to the kitchen island much to the audible surprise of Johanna.

They continued to kiss more and more fiercely until they heard the sound of a car door slam outside. Alex nearly fell backward from between Johanna's knees, her blue eyes darting toward the clock. "Fuck, okay so here's the ten second rundown of my family drama." She took Johanna's hands and pulled her off the island. "My parents are not 'accepting' of my sexuality. My brother doesn't care but he is obnoxious. I apologize in advance for literally everyone in my family."

Johanna tried to soak that information in as quickly as possible before a tall, blonde woman with the same sky blue walked in the door and stopped abruptly as she saw the two of them standing at the island. "Alejandra, I didn't know we had company." The woman produced the most disingenuous smile Johanna had ever seen that wasn't on a mannequin. "And you are?"

Alex skirted around the counter and took Johanna by the hand, entwining their fingers as she brought Johanna around to the doorway. She squeezed her hand. "Mother, this is my girlfriend, Johanna." Johanna felt the pang of surprise in her heart at the introduction. But the side-eyed look Alex was giving her was a good indication that she should just go along with it. "Johanna, this is my mother, Sarah Rodriguez."

Mrs. Rodriguez extended her hand. The woman was dressed impeccably well - she looked like a lawyer or a CEO. From her frigid demeanor and high cheekbones, she could be a Disney villain just as easily as either of those professions. "Nice to meet you, Johanna. I'm afraid Alejandra hasn't mentioned you before."

"Well she didn't mention you either, but I assumed she had a mom." Johanna instantaneously regretted her small joke the moment it emerged from her mouth, especially after Alex's head slowly turned to her. Instead of recoiling Johanna simply put a huge smile on her face.

Mrs. Rodriguez looked momentarily stunned but then an actual, near human smile warmed on her face and a soft snicker left her lips. "Astute deduction." She moved passed the two girls and placed her large handbag on the counter before turning back to them. "Would you like to stay for dinner, Johanna? What's your last name, dear?"

"Mason," Johanna replied confidently. "And no, thank you, I don't want to be a bother."

"Oh dear, I had to feed six kids every day for a decade. Now it's only us, Alejandra and her brother. Everyone else up and left the nest. I would love to add another plate at the table again." The girls stood gracelessly in the doorway, both of them dumbfounded. "Well don't just stand there, Alejandra. Take your girlfriend upstairs while I get dinner together. Your brother and father will be home in a little bit. Keep the door opened."

Johanna allowed herself to be brought up the large winding staircase that led them to a spacious second floor. Johanna hadn't noticed all the finery before, but now she was trying to be more observant. There was a lot of gilded things, but overall someone with a modern, expensive taste had furnished the house. There were a few professional posed photos of what Johanna assumed were Alex and her brothers, even though they were all fair-haired.

They reached Alex's room and she turned to Johanna, a flush on her cheeks. "I didn't exactly anticipate anyone coming over. Otherwise I would have ...hidden literally everything I own." Johanna was endeared by Alex's apparent embarrassment. She carried herself with such confidence it was cute to see her falter.

When she opened the door, Johanna couldn't help but stare. Her walls were an unassuming pale yellow, a small white wire bed in the center of the room, flanked by two small bedside tables. But that's not what was extraordinary. It was the large, complicated collection of vintage toys that lined her walls from floor to ceiling that caught her attention. Star Wars, Star Trek, Batman, and a bunch of other brightly colored fandoms Johanna didn't recognize.

"Oh my God," Johanna breathed, stepping into her room. Alex was sitting on the edge of her bed, wincing. "Oh my God, you're a nerd!" Johanna nearly yelled, a broad smile on her face. "How fucking cute are you? Look at all your toys!"

Alex buried her face in her hands. "I was hoping to rope you in a little more before exposing this information to you." She sighed. "And they're not _toys_," she corrected with a huff, "they're collectibles." Johanna went to the wall, inspecting each meticulously cared for box. Everything she owned looked like it was brand new even though though it was nearly as old as they were combined.

Johanna crossed the lush white carpet and sat next to Alex on her bed. "I think it's adorable. I can't believe you're a big secret nerd."

"I resent the use of that term," Alex said haughtily. "I am a collector of fine vintage items. That just so happen to all correlate to sci-fi related television shows and movies."

"It's okay, _Alejandra_," Johanna said in her best Spanish accent.

"Oh Goooood," Alex drawled. "Please don't call me that. It's bad enough that I'm the only girl, but if you didn't notice the pictures in the hallway, I don't look anything like my brothers. All my brothers look like my mom - blonde, Aryan, perfectly sculpted out of a Kennedy mould. My father and I got all the Spanish genes. And they gave me the only Spanish name."

"I like it. It's beautiful and it suits you." Alex let out a small sigh and kissed Johanna again, strongly harboring an urge to push Johanna back on her bed and really kiss the daylights out of her. "Besides, Spanish sounds sexy."

"Sexy, huh? I'll keep that in mind." She captured Johanna's lips in another long, meaningful kiss. "My mom likes you," Alex said after they pulled away, smiling at Johanna. "She's never, ever, not once, invited any of my girlfriends over. She's never even referred to one of them as my girlfriend before. Which, by the way, I'm sorry if that made you uncomfortable. I just felt like 'friend' was crazy informal and I hate when they refer to my girlfriends as my 'friends.' So I hope I didn't scare you away with my crazy mother and big assumption and obsessive toy collection and -"

Johanna kissed her gingerly, giving her bottom lip a momentary tug with her teeth. The sound of Alex's breath hitching in her throat made a warm feeling settle inside Johanna's stomach. She broke apart but their faces stayed very close together. Brown eyes searched blue as Alex's pupils shrank back to their normal size. "I don't mind being called your girlfriend. I don't mind your crazy family. I don't mind your nerdy toy collection. I think you're wonderful."

Johanna found herself flat on her back, staring up at a gently whirling ceiling fan above her until it became obscured by Alex. She felt legs squeezing her own on either side, then she swooped down and felt the press of lips against her own. "Your mom," Johanna said between kisses. "The door is open," she said again.

Alex brushed hair from Johanna's face. "_Cállate_, _Johanna._" Johanna bit her lip to muzzle the moan she felt rising in the back of her throat. Her name had never sounded like _that_.

Maybe Finnick was right and she just needed to figure herself out. Maybe she wasn't in love with Katniss after all. After staring into Alex's crystal blue eyes and seeing the desire and tenderness behind them, she could almost forget about the unfulfilled wish to see the same emotions reflected back from gray eyes.

Almost.

* * *

Forty-seven. Fifty-three. Katniss had called Johanna forty-seven times over the weekend and texted her fifty-three. None of the combined one hundred attempts at contact had elicited a response from her best friend. She was worried, but more importantly than that, she was depressed. She had never gone a full weekend without hearing from or seeing Johanna before. Now it was Sunday night and she still hadn't heard a peep.

Homecoming was only a two weeks away and now Katniss was pretty sure she'd be going alone. Or she'd show up with Gale and everyone would know she was a big fat liar. Katniss scrolled through her phone until she got to her Instagram app. To her surprise Johanna had posted a whole bunch of pictures from her weekend. Her and Alex at an art exhibit nearby, her and Alex at the movies, one of them curled together watching _Imagine Me & You_, and one of them oh-so-cutely sharing a milkshake.

Johanna didn't like ice cream, Katniss thought smugly to herself. This girl was forcing Johanna to imbibe a beverage she didn't care for. Did she know that the ending of _Imagine Me & You _makes Johanna cry every time? That when she's at the movies she absolutely must sit exactly eight rows back from the second tier of seats because the "acoustics are better there?" That her favorite crayon color was Wisteria and her favorite painting of all time was "Irises" by Van Gogh?

Some girlfriend. Katniss flopped back on to her bed and stared up at her ceiling. The glow-in-the-dark star stickies that Johanna had gotten her were still tightly adhered to the ceiling. Back when Katniss was afraid of the dark Johanna had gotten those and put them up there to help keep Katniss's mind off the darkness before she slept.

She didn't know what to do. Johanna was such a steadfast pillar in her life that without her she felt incomplete. What could she possibly do to make this up to her? Her mind crawled through scenarios to try and come up with something creative, something big. Something meaningful.

It dawned on her so quickly she got dizzy. Her mother had a contact at the exact art exhibit Johanna had just been to with Alex. Maybe she could sneak a couple of Johanna's paintings out of the art room and put together a gallery for her! She could get the crazy art teacher to get a bunch of students to donate art work and they could have a Panem High Art Gallery in one of the spaces. Johanna's work could be the centerpiece.

Excited by her brilliant idea Katniss quickly began jotting down ideas in her notebook. This had to work because she had no idea how to go about gaining her friendship back otherwise. And the thought of going on with her life without Johanna was something she couldn't begin to entertain. It frightened her.

* * *

Within a week's time Katniss had put together the art gallery with admirable vigor. She had convinced the art teacher to lend her five of Johanna's best pieces, all of which would stay covered until the day of the event. The one the teacher had determined to be her best work would be in the center of the room. A few other students also donated their work and within a few days, a small room in the art museum was filled with works from a few of the school's most talented students.

Now came the hard part: convincing Johanna to attend without spoiling the surprise. Johanna had still been avoiding her like the plague during school so the direct approach wouldn't work. Katniss needed to do something more underhanded. She needed Finnick.

Once she had explained herself she stood in front of the blond boy with her arms crossed over her chest. "So in short, this is all kind of your fault for 'outing us' and you owe me at least this one."

Finnick was torn. He wanted to help her because deep down he felt that Johanna's heart was still locked securely away inside Katniss's chest, even though the brunette was oblivious. But he had been hanging out with Alex and Johanna and their relationship was so cute it bordered on disgusting. Alex doted on Johanna and the younger girl seemed to return the affection. Somewhere though, beneath the surface of Johanna's interactions Finnick felt that there was something missing. Bottom line: Alex was not Katniss. She was everything Johanna wanted Katniss to be and wasn't.

He took a different approach. "I just don't see this as a good idea. You know Johanna doesn't like to let anyone see her work. Why do you think a showcase is going to change her mind?"

"Because it has to," Katniss replied sadly. "I miss her so much. She's the most important person to me and I just want to celebrate how talented she is. Show her that I do care. That I'm not just some selfish bitch."

Finnick sighed. "Well honestly if you want Johanna there, you'll have to invite Alex." Finnick watched with amusement as Katniss tensed at the mention of the other girl. Good, he thought, be jealous. You deserve that. Katniss scowled audibly and Finnick raised his blond eyebrow in surprise. "Okay there tiger, I'll invite her myself."

"Thank you," Katniss replied with narrowed eyes. "Tell her to have Johanna there by five o'clock." The two of them stood in the hallway staring at each other. Katniss faltered first. "Do you think this will work? Like honestly?"

Finnick took in another deep breath and crossed his arms over his chest. "I want this to work." He settled on that answer and focused his sea foam green eyes on Katniss.

"Me too."

* * *

Johanna thought it was weird that Alex wanted to go back to the art museum so soon after they had already been there. She explained that they had installed a new exhibit during the week so Johanna agreed to go with her. It was better than another night sitting in her bed, crying into her pillow as she turned her cell phone off to continue ignoring Katniss. Even Cashmere had backed off when she saw how miserable Johanna had been.

They hadn't spoken in five days, twelve hours and thirty-three minutes. Her heart was breaking two-fold: once for Katniss, whom she missed, and once for Alex, who adored her. Alex, who seemed uncharacteristically nervous as they approached the art building. Her hand that was clasped with Johanna's was slightly clammy with sweat. They walked casually through the familiar exhibits in the front until Alex took a weird turn into a room Johanna had never seen.

When she walked in she felt as if someone had hit her with a four-by-four straight in the face. Her work. It was everywhere. Her large oil painting of her treehouse at home, the study of movement she did a year ago... She froze in the doorway, unable to move or speak. "Jo?" Alex called questioningly from her side. "_Cariño_, are you okay?"

Johanna nodded. "Why?"

Alex sighed and took Johanna's other hand to try and focus her attention. "Katniss put this together for you." Alex managed a smile on her face, trying to coerce one on Johanna's. "You're incredibly talented and she was right to share this with everyone. What a beautiful gift you have."

Johanna's eyes narrowed as she finally came back to her senses. _Her _work. _Her _soul that was strewn about the room in oil and watercolors. It was no one's decision but hers where that art went and who saw it. Alex could feel Johanna slipping away into anger and she dropped her hands. "Where is she?"

Alex shrugged. "I don't know, but please, before you yell at her. I think this came from a really genuine place."

Johanna looked at Alex angrily. "This was not her decision to make." Johanna wasn't interested in Alex's defense of Katniss. She began to storm around the room until she finally came upon Katniss talked to Peeta Mellark about one of his paintings. Before Johanna could approach she was struck by how beautiful Katniss looked.

Her hair was in a braid, wrapped around on to her shoulder like she used to do when they were kids. She was wearing a scoop-neck sweater that showcased her gold mockingjay necklace that hung delicately around her neck. Her hips and thighs were hugged into a pair of light washed skinny jeans that stopped just above a strappy pair of black high heels. She had on minimal make-up: just some gloss, a faint glimmer of gold eyeshadow and a blush on her cheeks.

Johanna found it cumbersome to grab her anger again. Before she could angrily approach, Katniss finally looked up and saw her. A smile on her face as she took in Johanna's appearance. Somehow she looked a little different than Katniss remembered. Something about the way she moved, the way she carried herself, was not as Katniss remembered it. Her posture was more forceful, her aura seemed more powerful.

"Johanna." Katniss excused herself from Peeta and crossed the room until she was within a foot of her best friend. Now that she was closer, she could see the anger in Johanna's eyes. Her smile began to fall from her lips. "Surprise?"

"How could you do this to me? What would make you think I would want all these people staring at my things?" Johanna asked in a low, dangerous tone.

Katniss's eyes roamed Johanna's face and then settled uneasily on a faint bruise on Johanna's neck. Her eyes narrowed and she realized it was not a bruise. It was a hickey. An unforeseen wave of nausea came over her. "What?" She looked back up at Johanna and tried to rivet her attention back to her face. "I wanted to do something nice for you."

"Then get me flowers! Apologize for being a fucking selfish brat. Don't parade my private things for the entire town to see!" Johanna's voice began to rise and Katniss scanned the room with apprehension. "This is just so like you. You thought you could make this decision for me and I'd thank you for it?"

"Johanna, please. Please don't be angry with me." Johanna's hardened eyes faltered only slightly at the pathetic, weak tone in Katniss's voice. It wasn't fair that Katniss could undo her just with a simple plea. She had every right to be angry. Alex's words came floating back into her brain. _I think this came from a genuine place. _Johanna sighed.

A bit of commotion behind them in the room with Johanna's work made them both turn their heads. Miss Hayes was introducing what she called the masterpiece of the exhibit: a tall canvas that was hidden under the sheet. Johanna recognized the size immediately. "No," she said out loud. She turned to Katniss. "No.." The room suddenly became stifling. She knew the portrait of Katniss was underneath that cloak. It was probably the best work she had ever done, Miss Hayes had said so as well.

Without an explanation the raven-haired girl walked passed everyone and outside into the fresh air. She felt like she was suffocating. Telling Katniss she was gay was one thing. Telling Katniss about Alex would have been difficult but not impossible. Telling Katniss she was in love with her made her want to jump in front of a train.

Inside the room Katniss stood perplexed at Johanna's hasty exit. She was going to miss the unveiling of her big work. She decided to go after her, but not before seeing what was beneath that tarp. She listened through Miss Hayes' effusive introduction, describing the beauty and intricacy of the work that was beneath the sheet. How a precise and passionate dedication had gotten every nuance of the subject.

She unveiled it with a flourish and Katniss felt like a thousand bees were buzzing in her brain. It was her. It was a portrait of Katniss. It looked so strikingly like her that she nearly fell backward in surprise. There were a few shocked gasps then a raucous round of applause. A well-deserved round of applause, but it was deafening. Katniss got slowly closer to the painting and as she did, it became clearer. Every strand of her hair was lovingly rendered with accuracy. The way she painted her eyes it looked like how her eyes reflected the sunlight. The few freckles on her cheeks were faithfully on the canvas in the exact spots they were on Katniss's face.

Katniss was standing directly in front of the painting, staring into her own eyes. As much as it looked like her, it didn't feel like staring into a mirror. She wasn't looking at at reflection of herself; she was seeing herself as Johanna saw her. She looked radiant. She looked beautiful and young. Not that she wasn't young to begin with, but there was a sort of impish youth to her demeanor.

Katniss's heart began to pound and her stomach churned. She wasn't prepared for this. _She loves you a lot, you know. _Katniss felt every moment of her childhood with Johanna flooding back into her memory. But instead of the grainy black-and-white nostalgia that shrouded it, moments blew up into vivid technicolor. Johanna defending her from that bully that began their friendship. Johanna letting her have her cookies at lunch. Johanna holding her when she cried for her father. Johanna sitting in the bleachers at her sister's ballet recital or soccer games, cheering her on. Johanna coming along on all the stupid stunts she pulled as a child and as a teenager. Dressing up in tandem Halloween costumes, no matter how ridiculous Johanna's side was. Sharing her sundae because Katniss got too full, even though she hated ice cream._  
_

Johanna's face after they had kissed in the auditorium.

Johanna's jealousy toward Gale.

Johanna's very sudden relationship with a girl who apparently gave visible hickeys.

Katniss blinked slowly. Johanna was in love with her.

* * *

Author's Too Long Note: Faking It is pissing me off so seriously that show can fuck off (not really I still like it but Jesus). But if anyone hasn't checked out the new Orange is the new Black season...all I can say is ...WHY NOT!? GOD it's so good. Alex Vause...jfc. Ahem. Anyway. Thank you all for the lovely words and the lovely clicks of that follow button.

Thanks to the mysterious person who cannot remember their fanfiction password and is enjoying the story. I know those feels, bro. When I was just a wee thing in high school I fell for my best friend and watched her date someone else and it was the WORST EVER. We did eventually date because I am irresistibly charming. Jk. We dated for two years and broke up and I don't regret a single moment. I try to make a habit of not regretting things that made me happy, even if it didn't turn out how I thought it would.

Luckily we continue to be best friends today. Anyway, you don't have to be sure about anything right now. I'm far removed from that naive 17-year-old who fell in love with her best friend and I'm _still_ figuring myself out. Try to never label yourself in absolutes - you'll miss out on a lot of life that way. Concentrate on what makes you happy and go forth in that direction for as long as you can.

If you find your login and want someone to talk to, I'm all ears. :) I'm also face and human parts. - T.


	5. Chapter 5

_"When you love someone, truly love them, friend or lover, you lay your heart open to them..._

* * *

Johanna felt like a salmon trying to swim upstream. Every muscle, every bone, every tendon in her body was tense and straining. She also had that feeling like when your mom is late to pick you up at school when you're little. And you're trying to remember that you did everything right - you waited in the right place, you know what kind of car she drives. And thirty minutes passes and panic settles in your chest: What if she forgot? What if she died on the way there? What if a stranger tries to pick you up in the mean time? Did you do something wrong? Is she never coming back?

On top of the feelings of anxiety, Johanna was now feeling very drunk. It had been a long walk back to her house and she rewarded herself by breaking into her mother's liquor cabinet and celebrating her "gallery" with a solo champagne adventure. Unseasoned in the ways of heavy drinking she found herself pretty much stumbling around Panem, shouting at cars that drove by.

She hurled insults at a black car that pulled up beside her until the window rolled down and she saw who was inside. "Fuck Johanna, it's not exactly warm outside. Do you know how long I've been looking for you?"

Johanna moved to the window and grasped the door with both her hands. "Alex?"

"No, the fucking Easter Bunny." Johanna chuckled and fumbled with the door handle until she opened it and slid gracelessly into the passenger seat. She leaned over to kiss Alex but the girl recoiled from her. "Christ Jo you smell like a bad New Years Eve party."

"No, no," Johanna said, shaking her head profusely. "You have to taste it. The smell - hic - is bad but the taste is good." She took Alex's tentative lips in a kiss, spreading the sweet and fruity taste of the champagne to her girlfriend. Fueled by anger, alcohol, and jealousy Johanna deepened the kiss until she was ready to pull back and stare into Alex's baby blues. "Are your parents home?"

"Yes," Alex breathed out mournfully.

Johanna grinned. "Mine isn't."

Alex quirked one of her dark eyebrows. "Johanna, I don't know that this is a good idea. You're pretty drunk."

Johanna kissed her again in an attempt to silence her objections. "We're not getting married. Just come home with me." The way Johanna's deep brown eyes were darkened to the point of near blackness and the urgency in her tone all but settled the matter for Alex. Once Johanna was situated in her seat with her belt on Alex took off in the direction of the Mason home.

* * *

_..You give them a part of yourself that you give no one else, and you let them inside a part of you that only they can hurt..._

* * *

Once the party for Johanna was cleaned up and just about everyone had left, Katniss was sat on the makeshift stage inside the basement of the gallery. Little kids did miniature productions of fairy tales and local artisans did small speeches down here. But that night it was just Katniss and Gale, passing a flask back and forth.

"Johanna has some great work," Gale said finally to break the twenty minutes of silent sad-drinking.

Katniss nodded, her gray eyes faraway. "I didn't know. Her best friend all these years and I had no idea."

Gale scrunched his eyebrows together. "You mean she never told you?"

"Why would she tell me? She's always kept so much from me. She thinks I don't care so she doesn't say anything but I _do _care. I'm just not good at being the supportive one. But maybe I'm not good at it because she never lets me do it!"

Gale blinked back and capped the flask. "You didn't know Johanna could paint?"

"What?" Katniss asked in a sharp tone, but her face relaxed as her situation came back to her. "Oh, right. Yeah well, I mean I knew she could and that she liked doing it. I just hadn't ever seen it until tonight."

"Oh." Gale nodded in understanding and stared into the blackness of the unlit basement. The small light above them was barely enough to illuminate the two of them, leaving the rest of the basement in a creepy shadow. "Are you sure you don't want to go look for her? She seemed kinda pissed when she left."

Katniss snorted and shook her head. "Oh I'm sure _Alex _has that all taken care of." The acrimonious timbre of Katniss's voice and the way her gray eyes darkened like an impending thunderstorm made Gale do a double-take.

"Are you _sure _you and her are in an 'open relationship?' You seem pretty upset about her other girlfriend."

A blaze of anger tore through Katniss's eyes as she looked over at Gale. He was right that she was upset over Alex. In just a short time this girl had usurped her best friend from right under her. They always only had each other to rely on and now there this girl was with her curly hair and comfortable shoulder and lips and teeth making Johanna forget all about her.

And yet, that painting. Who even knew when Johanna had painted that? Maybe she had misinterpreted it. Maybe she had been misinterpreting everything. Perhaps Johanna's hasty exit had more to do with her work being "paraded around" rather than the portrait of Katniss. "I'm sure." To drive her point home Katniss grabbed Gale by his jaw and pulled him in for a kiss. A furious potion of anger, jealousy and sadness fueled her actions as she grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it over his head.

"Whoa, are you okay with this?" Gale was not opposed to this turn of events but Katniss's angry eyes were not exactly what he thought they'd be when they did this. He had been expecting more desire than rage.

Katniss nodded her head. "Yes. Wait." Gale frowned. "Do you have protection?" The boy nodded eagerly, producing a small foil packet from his pocket. "Wow, really?"

Gale shrugged. "I like to be prepared. I was a Boy Scout." Katniss rolled her eyes and pressed Gale back onto the stage, smothering his body with hers. She didn't know why she was doing this. It didn't exactly feel wrong but there was something about it that was nagging in her brain. As her shirt came off and was tossed carelessly aside, she shut her brain up. She didn't want to think logically right now. She wanted Gale and his lips and his hands on her. She wasn't going to think about where Johanna was and if Alex was somewhere putting her hands all over her like Gale was doing now.

* * *

_..you literally hand them the razor with a map of where to cut deepest and most painfully on your heart and soul._

* * *

Johanna woke up the next day feeling like she had been swallowed by a whale and thrown out his spout like in _Finding Nemo._ The entire previous night was a complete blur to the young girl, blacked out from the moment she found Alex forward. Her hand reached out and felt the side of her bed but it was cold. Perplexed she sat up in her bed, rubbing her eyes hard until she saw stars in her vision.

When it cleared she saw Alex standing at the edge of her bed staring down fondly at her. A quick glance at the clock revealed the time to be half past eleven AM and she stared at the older girl, completely muddled. "How long have I been asleep?"

Alex shrugged. "Since about an hour or so after we got here." One of her dark, manicured eyebrows raised high up on her forehead. A small smirk grew on her features. "You don't remember anything about last night, do you?" Johanna shook her head. "Oh, honey. First of all no offense but you need a shower. You look absolutely crazy right now. You've got like a bag lady thing going on up there," she explained with a twirl of her fingers.

Johanna felt the top of her head and could feel the spiked up and messy strands flying all over her scalp. Fantastic. If she didn't already look like a crazy person by getting drunk and shouting at cars, now she looked like a zombie years after the apocalypse began. "Great I probably look like Cesar from the _Cabinet of Dr. Caligari_," Johanna mumbled and trudged herself off toward the bathroom to shower.

She slammed her palms against the tile of the shower and allowed the hot water to cascade down her body in fast rivers over every crevice of her skin. The black make-up turned gray (like Katniss's eyes...) and swirled into the drain. She tried desperately to put together the pieces of the night before. She remembered getting drunk by herself in her house. She remembered wandering Panem for a while, yelling at whoever would listen. She remembered Alex picking her up in her car and bringing her home. She remembered pushing Alex against any surface that wouldn't give and kissing her until her lips were sore.

Did they have sex? Johanna's chest constricted in anxiety at the thought. She did recall a lot of kissing. _A lot _of kissing. But naked kissing? Had it gone that far? Now she was wishing harder than ever that she could remember. She didn't want to go out there and face Alex knowing nothing. After scrubbing herself and washing her hair she stepped out of the tub in a billow of steam. She took Cashmere's robe and tied it around her waist and went back into her room where Alex was waiting patiently on the edge of her mattress.

Johanna stood nervously in the doorway between the bathroom and her room. She had forgotten everything about last night except the one thing she had drank to forget: Katniss seeing her painting and potentially knowing that she had feelings for her. That was burned into her mind like a brand on a cow. Alex patted the comforter next to her. "Go ahead and sit down."

The younger girl complied without question, silently walking across the hardwood and sitting gingerly on the edge of her bed. Self-consciously she adjusted the plush cotton robe so that none of her skin was showing. Alex watched her movements and snickered. "Who are you hiding from? It's nothing I haven't seen before."

"It's not?" Johanna squeaked out in a voice several octaves above her natural tone.

Alex grinned. "No _amante_, it's not. You were very eager to show me that and much more last night." Johanna's throat moved as she took in that information. She watched Alex's face and tried to figure out what was happening. The older girl bit her lower lip. "You look worried. Does it bother you to think we had sex?"

Johanna paused for a brief moment. "A little? I mean I'd want to remember my first time."

"Yeah you didn't exactly like that logic last night," Alex revealed. She exhaled a large sigh and looked over at her girlfriend. "We didn't have sex last night Johanna. But not for lack of trying." Johanna raised an eyebrow. "On your part."

"Oh..." Relief fell over her like a soft blanket. They didn't have sex. She tried, but they didn't. Wait, why didn't they? "What did I do?"

Alex rolled onto her back and placed her hands over her stomach. "I brought you home and you were wild. Violent. I've never seen you like that. So feral and focused." Johanna blushed. "Don't worry I was totally into it. But it was so outside of how I think you are I knew something was wrong." Johanna shifted onto her side and propped her head up on her elbow. Alex moved her neck to look at her. "We got to your room and you practically shoved me on the bed. Again, not complaining. You took your shirt off," Alex pointed over to the lampshade where Johanna's shirt was still hanging off of it tellingly, "and then I got wet."

Johanna sputtered, causing Alex to laugh. "Why are you laughing at me?"

"Not like that, get your mind out of the gutter Jo. I was wet because you started to cry. Like _The __Book Thief_ ugly sobbing." Horrified would be a temperate way to describe Johanna's reaction. She had CRIED? This entire night made her want to crawl under her bed and live with the dust bunnies and old diaries and never return. Maybe go live under a bridge somewhere with a raccoon for a pet and eat out of the garbage. "I had been trying to stop you but that did the trick. So then I just helped you get into your pajamas and let you sleep."

"Well. I'm just gonna go hang myself in the closet. You can have my stuff. Tell my mom I love her." Johanna rolled onto her back and covered her face with her hands. She peeked between her fingers and looked over at Alex. "Did I say anything?"

Alex snorted and nodded her head. "What _didn't_ you say?" She mirrored Johanna's previous position and pulled her hand away from Johanna's face gently. "You were torn up about Katniss. Understandably so considering _literally everyone _told her it was a bad idea." The curly-haired girl pulled herself up into a seated position. She adjusted the lapels on her denim jacket and looked ahead toward the door. "I thought it was because of how private you are about your paintings."

Johanna chewed on the inside of her cheek and dropped her dark amber gaze to the terrycloth robe. Alex forced a sad smile onto her face. "It wasn't. It was because you have feelings for her and now she might know."

"I'm sorry," Johanna needlessly apologized. She wasn't even sure what transgression her apology was aimed at: having feelings for Katniss, not having feelings for Alex, for her drunken misbehavior, for her reaction at the gallery in her honor... All of them, really.

Alex huffed out an abbreviated chortle. "You don't need to apologize. You can't be sorry for something you can't control." Alex got off of the bed and turned to face the large wooden bed. "I really like you Jo. I've been having an amazing time with you but..." Her blue eyes looked away out the window toward the sky that reflected her own light hues. "But I'm on borrowed time with you. It's just a matter of time before Katniss realizes what she has. And when she does, I don't want to be in the way." She smiled wistfully.

"The unstoppable force," Johanna supplied, quoting from her favorite movie, _Imagine Me and You_.

Alex emitted a rueful laugh. "Right. I don't wanna be your Hec, love. But hey, if things don't work out with Katniss because she's a big idiot, you have my number." Alex leaned her hands on Johanna's damp, cloth-covers legs and kissed her.

Johanna took this all in wordlessly. When Alex was near the door she called after her, "Can we still be friends?"

Alex turned around and showed off her pearly whites with a grin. "I'd love it. Just maybe give me a couple days, k?" Johanna nodded and watched Alex leave and disappear down the hallway.

She didn't know what to do. If Katniss knew how she felt their entire relationship would be altered. All she wanted to do was return things to normal. No Alex, no Gale, no secret pining. Just the two of them and their rock solid friendship. Johanna decided to make amends with her over the gallery and try to start anew.

* * *

Katniss waited anxiously inside Mags' ice cream shop. She had arrived ten minutes early to the predetermined time she had promised Johanna. When she called her to ask if she'd be willing to talk, Johanna had agreed under much duress. Katniss knew she hadn't done the right thing, but she hoped Johanna would understand that it came from a good place.

And she had decided to keep two things from Johanna for the benefit of their friendship: her thought that Johanna had feelings for her, and the fact that she slept with Gale. The first was because if Johanna didn't bring it up, then she was sure she had overanalyzed it. The second was because she knew their friendship would hinge on her not seeing as much of Gale anymore.

When Johanna walked in Katniss felt a rush through her body that momentarily puzzled her. Backlit by the late afternoon sun she looked like a runway model. A soft breeze came in with her, pushing her black hair forward and over her shoulders. She was dressed in a pair of hip-hugging white capri skinny jeans, a cropped biker jacket with a form-fitting black tank top. Her white Chuck Taylor's slapped against the tile as she walked toward Katniss and waved to Mags.

Why did she feel nervous? This was Johanna. Her best friend. Someone who had seen her in her pajamas with her retainer producing saliva all down her chin. Not someone she should be afraid of. But the uneasiness in her stomach never settled, not even after Johanna beamed her wonderful smile at her.

"Hey," Johanna greeted, sliding in the candy red booth across from Katniss. She rested her hands on the Formica table and pursed her lightly glossed lips.

"Hey." Katniss inwardly groaned at how shaky her voice sounded. Nothing was different, she tried to remind herself. But she didn't believe it. In spite of what she felt for Gale, which was somewhere smushed between a crush and pure lust, there was Johanna. Constant, lovely Johanna who cared about her and looked amazing in skinny jeans. Katniss didn't realize how much time had elapsed until she saw the bemused look on Johanna's face.

"I'm so sorry about the gallery. I thought that you would be surprised and excited or something. But I think maybe I was just projecting my feelings of how I wanted you to feel onto you."

Johanna smirked leaned back into the plastic coated bench. She purposefully waited a few agonizing moments before speaking again. "I accept your apology." Katniss still looked unsure and Johanna sighed. "I know what you did, you did out of friendship. It was kind no matter how weirdly self-centered it was."

Katniss looked own at her milkshake. She had felt obligated to order something even though she had been far too nervous to consume the delicious dairy treat. "I'm sorry I've been so selfish recently. But all that's behind me now." She gave her friend a toothy grin. "I promise from here on, I won't drag you into any more crazy schemes."

Johanna slowly raised an eyebrow at her gray-eyed friend. She looked so adorable when she was apologetic. She did this lopsided smile that dimpled her round cheek and always melted Johanna's icy moods. "Really? No more plots to sleep with Hawthorne? No more lesbian action to put on the school's tumblr?"

Katniss looked uncomfortable for a moment. "Yes. Nothing like that. Just you and me. We can tell everyone that we broke up, amicably, and that we're still friends."

"And homecoming?"

Katniss tensed. She wanted to go with Gale if she couldn't go as Johanna's date. Of course she also still wanted to be homecoming queen. But she was sure Johanna would want to take Alex. Katniss swallowed down a weird feeling that she attributed to heartburn.

As usual, Johanna could practically read her mind. "If you want to go together we still can."

Katniss's eyes snapped up. "Really?"

Johanna grinned and nodded her head. Her tongue darted out briefly to wet her lips and Katniss felt a small heat beneath her collar. "Sure. We can 'break up' after homecoming. This way you still get your crown and I'll still have the hottest date there." She punctuated her statement with a wink and Katniss giggled nervously and looked toward the soda jerk.

"Okay good." Her gray eyes moved slowly back toward her friend. "So we're good?"

"Of course. Just no more lying, okay? No more hiding." Katniss nodded but firmed her guilty gaze on the white and black speckled table. "On that note I should probably tell you Alex and I are done. We're just going to be friends."

Katniss whipped her eyes up to her friend. "What? When did this happen?"

Johanna looked somber but Katniss did everything she could to extinguish the smile she knew was growing on her face. No, she silently chastised herself, that would be selfish of you. No more Selfish Katniss. "The night after the gallery. Alex slept over." Selfish Katniss wanted to throttle that curly-haired girl in a sudden burst of rage. She had to quell the feeling because Johanna kept talking. "I got a little - a lot - drunk and said a bunch of things that while true, essentially meant we couldn't be together." Clearly Katniss was expecting more of an answer because her eyes went much wider than usual. "I don't really wanna go into details, Kat. It's still kinda fresh."

The brunette nodded and reached over the table to take one of Johanna's hands in hers. "Do you want to have a day of overindulgence to get over it?" Katniss asked with a hopeful lilt in her voice.

Johanna laughed her typical, husky but high-toned laugh. It spread a smile across Katniss's face. "No that's okay. I already over-indulged in the champagne so I should probably relax."

Katniss pressed their hands more firmly together. "But you know I'm here for you, right?"

"Sure." Johanna smiled.

* * *

Katniss took forever to get ready for anything. Not because she was high maintenance or because she was vain. It was because she had no idea what she was doing. She watched endless YouTube tutorials on different hairstyles and studied Cosmo magazines for make-up types because she was hapless at the art of looking presentable. Johanna had been ready for close to thirty minutes and she sat on Katniss's bed waiting for her to emerge from her bathroom.

The light green walls were littered with posters haphazardly cut from magazines. Hanging over her bed was a large hand-carved bow and two crisscrossed arrows that had her father had made. Johanna smiled at it; it was reminiscent of an earlier, simpler time. Katniss's dad and her would practice shooting at targets in the backyard with the box he had made himself in their shed. Johanna would try but she found she was hopeless with a bow and arrow. She preferred to just watch the two of them most of the time.

When she turned her attention to the slowly opening bathroom door her breath caught audibly in her throat. While she had gone with a rather demure forest green dress, Katniss has gone with a skintight black ensemble that shimmered like licking flames when she moved.

"Whoa," Katniss expelled as she caught sight of Johanna. Her lacy deep green dress hugged her so tightly she was sure there was no room for oxygen between the fabric and her skin. Her deep black makeup with exaggerated wings made her dark brown eyes look like burning stars. How Johanna, a lifelong tomboy, ever managed to look so superbly photogenic and put together would forever remain a mystery to Katniss.

"I know," Johanna muttered. Katniss's beauty had stolen her voice as well as her breath. She didn't want things to get awkward so she turned away from her friend and withdrew two small glasses from her overnight bag. She set them on the bedside table and retrieved a small amber bottle from within her duffel bag. "C'mon. We might as well gear up for the night."

Katniss wasn't sure what "gearing up" entailed but she was more than happy to try and drink way the swirling sensation in the pit of her stomach. Or possibly lower. They threw back the shots together, sharing a grimace at the harsh taste of the liquid. "Shit Jo is this battery acid?" Katniss asked as she sputtered and coughed.

Johanna chuckled and took another one of the shots. She wiped her mouth with the backside of her hand and grinned. "Close enough. Cheap whisky."

* * *

They arrived at the dance about fifteen minutes after it had begun to a round of applause. The girls soaked in the attention with a fit of giggles due to their pre-gaming with off brand whisky. Johanna was right to have loosened them both up - keeping up their charade was tiresome work, but with a belly full of gummi worms and whisky, it was a little easier.

Finnick approached in his sharp white suit with a dusty pink rose in his lapel. He looked from or girl to the other and breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm so glad you guys made it!" He put his hands on each girl's arm and pushed them slightly closer together. "And together! You had me worried." His glance was more focused on Johanna but he looked over at Katniss as well.

"You look handsome," Katniss remarked, straightening the crisp lapels of his jacket.

Finnick grinned and his cheeks dimpled as they famously did. "Why thank you. Now, the crowning is in about ten minutes so go mingle among your devoted room of fans." He flitted away and left the two girls to fend for themselves in a room full of people who had supported them since their "outing" at the beginning of the year.

They did just as they were told and moved around the room. Johanna's arm was wrapped comfortably around Katniss's waist, guiding her from each clique group to the next. They approached Cashmere and her date Gloss with a small bit of trepidation. Unbeknownst to them, the blonde's death stare was not at their winning the crown. It was because she had spent many nights on the other side of the door as Johanna cried for Katniss. They may not be sisters yet, but no one deserved to be that heartbroken. Not even Johanna, as abrasive as she was.

"You both look nice," she complimented carefully. She leveled her gaze at Katniss. "Where's Alex, Johanna?"

Katniss felt a surge of envy roll through her nerves and she unconsciously leaned in closer to Johanna's embrace. Johanna hadn't mentioned Alex since they reconciled, but just as Katniss was hiding her involvement with Gale, she thought maybe Johanna was just being discreet if she was still seeing her.

"We broke up," Johanna replied with an even tone.

"You did?"

Johanna looked toward Cashmere and nodded. "Yeah."

Cashmere sighed loudly and clicked her tongue. "What a shame," she drawled. "I really liked her. She was smart and funny." Her bright green eyes settled on Katniss's stormy gray ones. "She was honest about who she was." Her eyes returned to Johanna. "That's an admirable quality."

"Um yeah." Johanna shifted in her punishing high heels.

"Well congratulations you guys. Enjoy your night!" she called in a false high tone as she gruffly escorted Gloss away from them.

Katniss didn't know why she suddenly felt defensive. It felt like Cashmere had come at her, guns ablazing. Cashmere never took an interest in either she or Johanna unless there was something in it for her. It almost felt like she was defending Johanna. That Katniss was some villain. Finnick began motioning for them to approach the stage before Katniss could overanalyze the situation any further. Finnick introduced them with his usual flourish and handed them their crowns. The tiara fit snugly on Katniss's hair while Johanna's crown hung a little askew on her smaller head.

He handed them both a bouquet of roses each and stepped back toward the microphone. "I present your homecoming queens - Katniss Everdeen and Johanna Mason!"

The girls looked at each other questioningly. Should they act couple-y? It must have looked a bit different under the lights because someone began a "kiss!" chant that slowly enveloped the room. "We don't have to if you d-" Johanna felt her lips get closed forcefully by Katniss's lips against hers. Katniss dropped her bouquet on the floor and took Johanna's neck between her hands and deepened their kiss to the sound of wolf whistles and cheers.

They pulled apart and Johanna couldn't hide the nonplussed look on her face. She searched Katniss's face for some sort of reaction and saw only confusion. The brunette quickly scooped up her flowers and took Johanna by her hand and led them off the stage. They got on the dance floor and began to dance together in the customary first song as class royalty.

Katniss stared away into the crowd as she encircled Johanna's waist in her arms. Se felt the heft of Johanna's slender arms over her shoulders and tried to ignore the way they seemed to burn through her dress. "Earth to Katniss?" Johanna asked softly, nudging Katniss with her wrist. Gray eyes finally looked into her own. "Is everything okay?"

_No_, Katniss thought._ I kissed you and I felt something inside me that I've never felt before_. More than simple pleasure like with Gale. Something far worse, something buried so deeply but also somehow pervasive though all her organs. _You looked so devastating under those lights that I wanted you._

Magically Katniss managed to put together a smile on her face. "Nothing. Everything's perfect."

It was perfect. But it shouldn't be. She didn't deserve this small bit of happiness for a multitude of reasons. Chief among them being that she was still lying to Johanna about Gale. They texted constantly and while they didn't have sex again, they had come pretty close several times. Although for whatever reason, it wasn't lust driving her. It was something else. Distraction? She couldn't ever place the emotion but she just went with it. Johanna was always saying she over-thought everything so she was being impulsive and giving in to her desires. Just not _all _her desires.

Of course, there was the added pain of lying to her mother and Prim and to the entire school. Once they "broke up" of course, Katniss would be free to date whomever she wanted, as would Johanna. Surely there were other lesbians or bisexual girls in Panem that Johanna could date. Maybe even reconcile with Alex. The tingling in Katniss's lips, however, was screaming at her to not let that happen.

* * *

Johanna felt something in their kiss. Of all the faux kisses the two of them had shared over the past few months, that one was the least fake and the most confusing. Katniss had completely controlled their kiss and went far and beyond what was necessary. But it wasn't just the gesture that was bizarre, it was the riptide of desperation and _desire _Johanna had felt in her lips.

Maybe Finnick was right. Maybe she should just tell Katniss how she felt. If they were truly friends, Katniss would accept her anyway and she could try to get over this crush. If she was repulsed and wanted out, then she wasn't really a good friend, was she? The thought of losing her permanently sent a chill that normally would have iced over Johanna's ambition but not tonight.

Tonight was she given a confidence boost - a confidence boost founded on a precarious mix of alcohol and assumption. When they returned to Katniss's house she waited anxiously on the side of Katniss's bed until the girl returned from recounting her night to her mother and bleary-eyed sister. The waiting was okay; it gave Johanna time to rehearse how she was going to say what she wanted to say.

Blunt honesty was more her style so she was going with that. Just come out with it. Katniss walked into the room and stopped short as Johanna rose from the bed to greet her. Johanna's face was so serious it took her by surprise. "Are you okay?"

Johanna shook her head. "Not really. I have something I need to say to you and I don't know how you're going to react so I'm just going to say it." Johanna's word vomit made Katniss tense. A wave of nausea crept over her slowly like a rising heat. Johanna focused her deep brown eyes at her friend and sucked in the deepest breath she had ever held in her lungs. "I think that I -" She stopped short. "Who am I kidding? Nobody, that's who." She expended a sigh. "I have feelings for you, Katniss. Real, complicated, love-like feelings that I thought would go away but they haven't."

Katniss stayed silent for far too long. Tears began swimming in her eyes as she stared into the earnest, desperate hues of her best friend. "Since when?"

Johanna was taken aback by the question. It was without malice, just quiet concern. She stifled a laugh. "Probably since the day we met in kindergarten." She allowed a small smile to appear on her face. "But I'm sure you mean recently and ...since the homecoming assembly when I kissed you."

Her suspicion had been right. But all this time. All these weeks of hiding. "You've had feelings for me since then and you didn't tell me?"

Johanna scoffed. "You were so obsessed with being popular and hooking up with Gale Hawthorne that I didn't think you'd listen. And I didn't really understand these feelings yet anyway. But now I do. And they're scary but kinda exhilarating, you know?" Katniss didn't appear moved. A leaden dread began to grow inside Johanna's stomach.

The same feeling was inside Katniss. She was not prepared emotionally or physically to deal with this confrontation. She had hoped her realization at the gallery had been false. "Johanna, I-"

"Don't act like you don't feel it, too. There's a spark between us and you know it. I know you felt it tonight when you kissed me on that stage. That wasn't a best friend kiss. That was a real, full body, tingle in your toes type of kiss. And I didn't initiate that."

The wetness pooling in Katniss's eyes began to spill on to her rounded cheeks. "Of course the kiss was good. I do love you. And you're a really good kisser." Johanna wanted to smile but she could feel the "but" coming in Katniss's sentence. "But I don't feel the same way. I don't have those same feelings for you."

Johanna was reminded of the old Eve 6 lyric: _P__ut my tender heart in a blender, watch it spin 'round to a beautiful oblivion_. She had plopped her heart into that blender and Katniss had leaned on the mix button and never looked back. "How do you know?" Johanna asked boldly. "How do you know if you don't even try?"

The silence was eating away at Katniss's insides. "I slept with Gale."

The tears in Johanna's eyes fell from her lashes as she stared at Katniss in disbelief. "You what?" She knew what Katniss had said. For whatever masochistic reason she needed to hear it again.

"I'm sorry, Jo. It was after your gallery and I was down and I -"

Johanna's hands waved wildly in front of her. "I don't want to fucking hear the play by play of you fucking Gale Hawthorne," Johanna seethed through her teeth.

Katniss attempted a different approach. "Why do you care? You slept with Alex the same night!"

"What?" Johanna bridled. "Are you serious? I didn't fuck Alex."

"You didn't?" Katniss's voice sounded incredibly small.

"No brainless, I didn't," Johanna corrected, going toward Katniss's door. "I tried but she knew I was in love with you and she stopped me. I spent all night crying about it." Johanna clenched her teeth. "So while you were busy achieving your big dream of seducing Gale, I was a pathetic hot mess in my bed with my now ex-girlfriend who _loves _me, unable to feel anything for her because of _you_."

Johanna stormed out of Katniss's room, forgoing her things she had packed for their sleepover. She ignored Katniss's desperate calls for her from the bedroom. She ignored Katniss coming after her, bounding down the flight of stairs as Johanna reached the front door. She wrenched free of her grip and went stalked into the night until Katniss's crying, yelling body was far behind her.

* * *

_And when they do strike, it's crippling. Like having your heart carved out."_

* * *

Author's Note: Handin' out angst like an episode of Oprah's favorite things. YOU get angst, and YOU get some angst! But I need some sleep because 6am comes awfully soon after midnight, which is the current time. I'm sorry if there's any egregious typos as I wrote most of this on the train in a notepad app which is not exactly reliable in terms of correction. *insert grumble about iPhones here.* Let me know what y'all think!

Oh and the rest of that quote is this: _"It leaves you naked and exposed, wondering what you did to make them want to hurt you so badly when all you did was love them. What is so wrong with you that no one can keep faith with you? That no one can love you? To have it happen once is bad enough... but to have it repeated? Who in their right mind would not be terrified of that?_" It's Sherrilyn Kenyon from _Devil May Cry_.


	6. Chapter 6

Katniss knew she fucked up. Her mother knew she fucked up. Primrose knew she fucked up. By now all her neighbors probably knew she fucked up.

She had poorly handled Johanna's admission and she knew it the second she saw Johanna's face. The betrayal, the sadness, the anger. When she went back inside her house, her mother stood there, arms crossed. She looked close to anger, but when Katniss crumpled in front of her like a used tissue, her motherly instincts kicked in.

They talked all night about the last few weeks. About Katniss's stupid plain to get popular, about her bad decision to sleep with Gale and see him behind Johanna's back, and her slightly confused feelings for Johanna. Her mother was understanding but moreover, she was disappointed about all of Katniss's deception.

That was was worst of all. Not that she had betrayed Johanna by sleeping with Gale, but that she had blatantly lied to her face about having feelings for her. They knew each other better than most people know themselves but she was blind about Johanna's feelings until she saw her painting. And Johanna seemed to know that Katniss was feeling something toward her.

But where did that leave them, really? Finnick had already texted her that he would take care of their "break-up." He was the school's loudspeaker anyway so he would reach out to all the cliques and let everyone know they were through. And even he had said what everyone knew:

FINNICK: u fucked up.  
KATNISS: thank you. I realize this.  
FINNICK: ur also an idiot and i hate u but i don't.  
KATNISS: How is she?  
FINNICK: how do u think? she's devastated. it's a giant pendulum that swings from she loves u to she hates u and back again.  
FINNICK: u need to fix this.

Of course he was right. But how? How does one possibly go about fixing a lifelong friendship ruined by misunderstood feelings and outright lies? It seemed beyond a sit down at the ice cream shop. Katniss was horrible with apologies and Johanna knew that. This required one, though. A big one.

* * *

When your best friend becomes the person who want to see the least, who do you turn to?

For Johanna, the answer was unexpectedly a certain blonde girl who had spent the better part of the time they'd known each other trying to ruin her life. But when she came home from Katniss's house, mascara running down her face and crying, it was Cashmere who was sitting on her bed with a towel and a flask of Jack Daniel's.

Johanna didn't pry as to why. Cashmere for whatever reason seemed to understand why she was upset. She didn't offer any advice. She didn't even offer a sarcastic comment. She just listened to her, offered her the washcloth to wipe her make-up, and shared the flask with her.

Finally when Johanna was exhausted and under her blankets, still clad in her dress from prom, Cashmere sat on the side of the bed and sighed. "Katniss is an idiot."

"I know you don't like her."

Cashmere rolled her green eyes. "That's not what I mean. I mean she's an idiot because she doesn't see what's right in front of her." Johanna's brown orbs squinted in the darkness of her room at her near step-sister. "Look I'm not gonna say this more than one time so listen the fuck up. You're actually pretty awesome. You're smart, you're talented, you're not bad looking. You're who you are and you don't apologize for it. And for whatever reason, you really love that idiot girl. If she can't wake the hell up and see you for who you are, then fuck her. You could do better anyway."

Johanna laid there in a stunned silence. Cashmere had never, not in the years since their parents met, ever been that nice to her. When she didn't answer back Cashmere left the bed with a huff, going to cut through the bathroom back toward her own room. "Hey Cash?" The blonde girl stopped midway through the bathroom. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

* * *

Unfortunately Johanna didn't give Katniss an opportunity to apologize. For two weeks - TWO WEEKS - Johanna managed to successfully avoid Katniss. She put her efforts into more painting, hung out with Finnick and Alex (and even sometimes Cashmere) and tried desperately to fill the gaping hole in her life that Katniss left. For whatever purpose, her breakup with Katniss catapulted her popularity. Girls were desperate her for attention, going to her for advice and desperately wanting to hook up. She was even more popular now than before because she was a single, out lesbian. While she didn't shirk from the attention, she wasn't comfortable in the limelight. She took none of them up on their offers, no matter how tempting. However this newfound idolatry seemed to put a wall between she and Katniss so in that endeavor she welcomed this change with open arms.

Katniss felt ostracized by Johanna's apparent ease of living without her. Life seemed to just achingly go on without Katniss participating. She saw Gale occasionally but their relationship was not the same any longer. She didn't want him anymore, not in the way she had a few weeks earlier. He knew it as well. They settled into a friendship that buoyed Katniss through her tumultuous time without Johanna. She sat idly by as girls basically threw themselves at Johanna. It incensed her. Fledgling little freshmen girls starving for attention. Katniss wanted to sink an arrow into their hearts.

When you've been in an anchored boat so long you don't realize that you've forgotten how to row. Katniss was adrift for the fifteen days and twelve hours she had been without Johanna's presence in her life. She knew she didn't deserve her friendship, and certainly not her love, but she needed it.

Fate had other plans. Their graduating class was putting together a fundraiser for themselves and along with a bake sale, a few rented carnival rides and games, they would have a four person kissing both. To be fair to all sexual orientations and expressions, in true progressive Panem style, Johanna, Finnick, Cashmere, and Gloss would be sat behind the ostentatious pink booths and field kisses for one dollar a pop. Johanna and Finnick's booths had a small rainbow connecting them. Whatever your flavor, there'd be an attractive teen to oblige you with a kiss.

Katniss was unaware of Johanna's involvement until the day of, when she and Gale arrived unhappily to show their support. They walked aimlessly around the various rides and tables of food but were drawn to the large crowd near the softball field.

"What's over there?" Katniss asked, trying to peek over the long line of people. Gale used his superior height to peer over their heads.

He smirked. "It's a kissing booth."

Katniss grimaced, puckering her lips. "Ew are you serious? Who in their right mind would subject themselves to that?"

Gale stood on his toes to try and see the names atop the booth. "Ah. Apparently Gloss, Cash, Finnick and ...Johanna."

"What?" Katniss's voice came out harsh and shrieked, pushing her way around the crowd to finally see the booth for herself. Her stomach dropped when she saw Johanna leaning forward on her booth and locking lips with some girl Katniss _knew _had a thing for her. As she looked down the line her stomach felt heavy. Johanna's line was the longest.

Single for _two weeks_ and this is the result? Every girl in school and even girls Katniss didn't recognize, lining up to kiss the lips that had so voluntarily kissed her own several times. Soft, sweet-tasting lips that Katniss couldn't get the taste out of her mouth. Katniss hid herself behind the crowd next to Finnick's booth, watching each and every girl giddily approach Johanna. She scowled at the giggling girls, making an internal hit list on each one of them.

She then saw the familiar face and body of Alex next in line. Katniss watched Johanna as she saw the black-haired girl and envied the huge smile that broke across Johanna's face in recognition. Alex stepped forward, dropping a bill much larger than a dollar into the overflowing _second _glass jar on Johanna's table.

Johanna's eyes dipped down to the jar and she smirked up at Alex. "And what do you think you're going to get for that?"

"Is that not the going rate? I'd have paid twice that, babe." Katniss grumbled but Johanna let out a cute laugh.

"C'mere gorgeous." Johanna grabbed Alex by the lapels of her denim jacket and smushed their lips together, giving her a much deeper, longer kiss than she had given anyone else. Katniss winced as the crowd hooted and hollered for them, nearly drowning out the screaming inside her brain that this was wrong and they should stop. They pulled apart and Johanna smirked. "What are you doing in an hour?" She had never heard Johanna's voice like that; a low husk that sent a shiver dancing down her spine.

Alex grinned back. "Whatever you're doing."

Katniss wanted to puke.

* * *

The brunette sat herself against the trunk of a nearby tree, her face in her chemistry book until the kissing both was finally over. Gale had left long ago, not wanting to be a part of Katniss's pity party. She watched from a respectable distance as the group dissembled their booths and cleaned up around the small field. She observed Alex picking up around them as well. So _helpful_, so _kind_, such a good kisser and a good person. Katniss couldn't help the feelings of jealous and pity that filled her body.

Once they were finished Johanna found Alex and wrapped her arm around the girl's waist. Katniss quickly shoved her book into her backpack and jogged up behind them. "Hey, wait."

Johanna looked over her shoulder and gave Katniss a cold stare. "You need something?"

Katniss stood still as if Johanna had fired a gun at her. "What? No, I mean, yes. I want to talk to you."

Johanna winced. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a little busy." The pout on her lips, had it not been so mocking, would have been enticing.

"Johanna please. We need to talk."

Johanna finally stopped walking and turned around, detaching herself from around Alex. "Do we? Because I know all I need to know about you now. You're not the person I thought you were."

Katniss pressed on despite the barb Johanna had laid in her heart. "Please. I need you in my life."

"Too fucking bad, _Everdeen_." Katniss's eyes went wide at Johanna's dismissive use of her last name. Cashmere, Finnick and Gloss came around and flanked Johanna and Alex. Katniss felt like she was staring down a firing squad. Only Finnick's bright blue-green eyes were sympathetic. "Because I don't need you. Look around! I'm popular now and guess what? I didn't have to lie about myself to do it. I'm exactly who I am and everyone knows it. And they _like_ me. Maybe you oughtta do the same."

She turned on her heel, sliding her hand into the back pocket of Alex's jeans and walking with the group toward the parking lot. Katniss stood alone on the grassy field, staring at the turned backs of the friends. Never in her life had she felt so thoroughly lonely.

* * *

"Ouch." Alex looked over at Johanna as they got into her car. Finnick climbed into the backseat clumsily. Johanna stared forward out the windshield, her arms crossed over her seat belt. "C'mon Jo, you know that was harsh. She's reaching out for you."

Johanna huffed. "And I'm returning the gesture as she did to me."

Alex turned the engine over and began driving. She had no destination in mind. While she had been grateful to reconnect with Johanna, the younger girl wasn't the same. She would lapse into a sullen mood and stare off and Alex knew what was racing through her mind. As always, Katniss.

"Okay so we're just going to ignore the fact that you miss her because you're trying to punish her?" Johanna said nothing. "Punish her for something she can't control. The fact that she doesn't have feelings for you."

Johanna snorted and let out a scornful laugh. "She does have feelings for me, Alex. She just too much of a coward to act on them."

"That sounds pretty familiar," Finnick said from the backseat.

"It's not the same," Johanna countered angrily, eyeing him in the side-view mirror. "I opened my heart to her and she shut me down. She just rejected me and now she wants my friendship back? Why? So I can live in this painful friendzone while she realizes maybe she's not a straight as she thought? Or worse, continues hooking up with Gale Hawthorne?"

Alex sighed and peered at Finnick in her rear view. He held his hands up and shrugged. She was on her own. "You're not happy. What's the purpose of all this popularity and punishment if it's not making you happy?"

Alex could sense the impending thunderstorm of Johanna's temper. "Why are you defending her?"

"What?" Alex looked baffled. "If anyone is president of the Katniss Everdeen Is An Idiot Fanclub, it's me. Not you. I think Cash might be treasurer." Alex's joke fell flat as Johanna merely glared at her. "I am not defending her. I'm looking out for you."

Johanna sighed a long breath and stared out her passenger window. "If she wants to be friends again she needs to own up to how she feels about me. I'm angry she slept with Gale. But mostly I'm angry that she keeps lying."

* * *

When Katniss got a random text from a blocked number to meet her at the old statue park she assumed it was Johanna. This was one of her favorite places. Katniss couldn't understand how Johanna felt at home in the midst of the ponderous iron structures but she did.

Instead of that raven-haired girl appearing over the hill, it was another. One who despised her probably more than Johanna ever could. Alex. Why was she here? To gloat about how she had been able to slither back into Johanna's life again? How she was standing where Katniss wished she could?

Only one way to find out. "Why are you here?" Her tone was as icy as Alex's eyes were blue. Unapologetically piercing.

Alex let out a laugh in a small huff. "Well you're a delight. I'm fine, thanks for asking. A little nervous about starting college in the fall but mostly excited." Alex sat on the bench next to Katniss, sprawling out on the wooden expanse.

Katniss kept up her hardened stare. "Let's not pretend like we're friends. I know you don't like me. It's a popular theme among Johanna's new friends."

Alex expelled another short laugh. "Before you start with the depressing party of one self-pity festival, let's examine why no one is fond of you. Because you used your best friend for popularity? Because somehow, over the last ten years, you've somehow barely been able to scratch the surface of what I've uncovered in just a few weeks?" Alex allowed herself to be smug.

A brunette eyebrow raised upward. "Is that why you're here? To shove your relationship with Johanna in my face?"

Alex rolled her eyes. "Wow you are almost as stubborn as she is. No, moron, I'm here to tell you that she misses you."

"And she shows that by making out with half the school and her supposed ex?" She knew she had no right to anger. It didn't stop her from feeling it.

Alex sighed sadly. "Look I'll be the first to tell you that you don't deserve her -"

"I know that," Katniss whispered.

"- But she loves you something crazy. Maybe if you can prove you're worthy of even a fucking molecule of that love, she'll forgive you." Katniss remained wordless. The anxiousness was written all over her and Alex narrowed her eyes. "Are you afraid of being gay? Is that what this is about?"

"Yeah I'm afraid. Being gay in Panem might be acceptable but in a lot of other places it isn't. And it's _Johanna_. What if we're no good for each other? What if we break up and she never wants to see me again? What if it makes things forever weird between us?"

Alex mused on Katniss's anxiety for a few moments. "All valid questions. But speaking as someone who got to get a little of Johanna, I can tell you it's worth it. Every second." The melancholy look etched all over Alex's face sent a pang of guilt and sadness to Katniss's heart.

Now at least Katniss was sorry for someone aside from herself. "I'm sorry I'm the reason things didn't work out between you guys. You're probably much better for her than I am."

Alex smirked. "I definitely am." From Katniss's scowl she laughed. "Unfortunately it doesn't matter. She's not exactly the type who always does what's best for her is she? She's moved by her heart. It's why we love her."

Katniss stared at the trim grass beneath their feet. "I just don't know what this all means. These feelings are very new to me."

"Look you don't have to start marching in parades or flying a rainbow flag. Johanna has found comfort within her sexuality but some people don't. It's not the most important thing about you anyway." Alex looked up at one of the nearby metal sculptures. "When I came out my mother nearly threw me out. I was _fourteen_. Do you know how much that fucks up a kid? Like your parents don't want you? Like I was a defective Christmas present."

"That's horrible."

"Yeah it was. It still is. I think she's still waiting for me to snap back to 'normal.' Everyone takes their time dealing with your sexuality. They don't realize that sometimes your happiness is intrinsically tied to their acceptance. So sometimes you have to find happiness without it. I did."

Katniss looked up at the older girl. She had never truly spoken with Alex. Her misplaced jealousy and focus on Gale had all but excluded her from this girl in Johanna's life. "She's still not okay with it?"

She shook her head. "Overall no I don't think so. But she finally liked a girl I brought home so that was progress. And the morning when I left Johanna's and went home, my mom made me empanadas and listened to my heartbreak. I think seeing how normal lesbian relationships are has helped her. We get our hearts broken too."

"So not only did I inadvertently take Johanna from you...I ruined the point of bonding between you and your mom. If I didn't already feel like a scumbag..."

"Like I said to Jo, you can't be blamed for what you couldn't control." Her cell phone vibrated in her pocket and Alex gave it a quick glance. Johanna.

JO: where are you? Wanna go see a flick?

Alex looked over at Katniss. "What you can control is how things go from here. Apologize to her. No big party, no grandstanding. Just you and her. Get to know her better. She's not herself without you."

Alex got up and stretched, looking back toward Katniss. "I don't know how to thank you. I know you're doing this for Johanna but really, thank you."

"If I can't love her, then she should be where she's happiest. That honor belongs to you." Alex smirked. "I dunno why. 'Cos she's right, you really are brainless." Alex waved goodbye as she made the short trek back toward her car. It hurt her heart to try and put those two together but it was truly for the best. Johanna was a wreck without Katniss, whether she'd admit it or not. And Katniss was a wreck without Johanna, that much was clear.

What wasn't clear was what it was going to take to get through to Katniss. Johanna wouldn't wait around forever. If she couldn't get her act together, Johanna would move on.

Back on the bench Katniss sat, deep in thought. It was frightening to think of the feelings she was having for her best friend. All her life she had been so thoroughly heterosexual than entertaining the thought sounded preposterous. She liked boys. But maybe ...she liked girls. Or more accurately, she liked Johanna. Katniss had always loved Johanna for who she was: fiery, loyal, talented, smart. Only recently had she discovered other, less platonic reasons why she loved her.

She liked the way her lips curled into that detestable smirk when she was proven right in an argument. She liked the way her hair rested around her shoulders and always looked perfectly unkempt. She liked the small splatters of paint that were on her clothes and freckled her face when she'd go deep into her painting zone.

She liked how her mouth felt when they kissed. She kissed like she was an electric wire pulsating with energy. Every time their lips touched Katniss got a piece of that dormant passion about to be sprung forth. But never all of it. She wanted all of it. She wanted the push-me-pin-me-back-steal-my-breath kind of kiss of which she knew Johanna was capable. She wanted to be shocked by Johanna's kinetic energy; to be floored by it.

More than that, she wanted to be the one to steal Johanna's breath with a kiss. To be the one to make her eyes go fuzzy and hear her breath catch in her throat.

But as of right now, Johanna hated her. Katniss was banking on that dearth of hatred springing from a pool of passion, founded somewhere in real love.

* * *

Author's Note: The struggle _is _real, my friend! Sometimes the person we're best suited for is not the person our heart wants most. Humans are so fucking fickle and prone to masochism it's a surprise we get anything done. On an unrelated note thank you all for your support of this fanfic. It is winding down to an end unfortunately but please don't hesitate to drop a review and let me know what you think. :)


	7. Chapter 7

Katniss was so absorbed in her mission to reclaim Johanna that she had completely forgotten that Johanna's mother's wedding was coming up soon. _Chalk that up to another selfish move_, Katniss thought miserably. Johanna was the maid of honor and she knew how nervous the situation made her. Ever since they had gotten engaged Johanna had been dreading making her speech. Katniss had promised to see her through it. But how could she when Johanna was determined to keep her at such a distance?

The night before the wedding Katniss couldn't wait any longer. She wasn't going to show up at the wedding like some uninvited distant relative and flounder at the kids' table all night. She packed an overnight bag and made the familiar trip to Johanna's house. How many times had she made this exact walk? She knew every crease in the sidewalk, every kitschy mailbox on the lawns, every overbearing bush that impeded onto the walkway. It was as familiar to her as Johanna herself. And yet somehow, she never really _looked _at everything. Typical.

Normally she would just enter the home without being invited inside but this felt different. Surely Johanna hadn't told her mother about what was going on, but Cashmere knew. And for whatever reason she had chosen recently to give a shit about Johanna and make things unbearably awkward. So timidly she knocked on the door to the house that was essentially her second home.

Johanna's mom flung open the door in her robe, her hair up in curlers. Katniss let out the breath she had been holding at the comforting sight of Johanna's mom. "Hi Diane," Katniss chirped with a smile. There was so much of Johanna in her that Katniss couldn't help but feel more at ease in her presence. She had been instrumental in keeping Katniss sane when her mother was reeling from her father's death.

The raven-haired woman's mouth creased into a smile. "Katniss! It's so nice to see you dear. Come in!" She stepped out of the doorway to allow the girl to enter their home. "How have you been? I feel like it's been ages."

"It has," Katniss confirmed with a nod of her head. She had her dress in a black bag and she swung it over her shoulder. "Johanna and I kind of ...hit a rough patch recently." She eyed the older woman nervously. "I was a really big idiot."

Diane sighed, putting her arm around Katniss's shoulder. Whether she was privy to what had gone down between them remained a mystery to Katniss because it seemed as if nothing had changed. She still gave her that look of motherly concern that only women with children can possibly make. "It's okay. You girls will work it out. You always do."

Katniss's smile was not convincing. "I hope so. Is she upstairs?"

Diane nodded. "Painting, with the door locked. But I'm sure she'll open up for you, dear. Go up ahead." She watched Katniss take the stairs and sighed. Her baby had cried many nights because of that girl. With a rub of her forehead she hoped that this time, things would work out. Seeing Johanna in so much pain had broken her heart. While she was glad it seemed to bond her and Cashmere, the lost was too great.

_I wouldn't be so sure. _Katniss bounded up the staircase two-by-two and walked down the hallway until she reached Johanna's bedroom. The soft murmur of music could be heard through the crack at the bottom of the door. The smell of paint - latex and earth - filled Katniss's nostrils. It calmed her. It smelled like Johanna.

She had to knock almost ten times before the music finally cut and Johanna fumbled with the lock. When she swung open the door, Katniss briefly saw what she looked like. Her hair was tied back in a messy ponytail, red paint across her face like a Native American war motif. She was dressed in a pair of old, color-splattered overalls with a crop top underneath. Several inches of smooth, pale skin were exposed on either side of her hips.

Katniss couldn't stare at much because Johanna's surprise at her being there was quickly replaced by anger and she went to close the door. The brunette shoved her foot in between the jamb and the door and winced as Johanna bounced the wooden door against the side of her foot. Reflexively Johanna swung it back open and cringed.

Her worry melted into indifference as she leveled her intense brown eyes at Katniss. "What do you want?"

"I'm selling Girl Scout cookies." Johanna went to close the door and Katniss wrapped her hand around it to stop her. "I'm sorry. I just need to talk to you. Will you please, _please _let me in?"

Stubbornly Johanna refused to move from her protective stance in front of the door. The soothing vanilla scent that Katniss carried with her brought her back to a place she had vowed never to return. But there she was, gazing into those stupidly pretty gray eyes and biting back the urge to kiss her. "Fine." Johanna swung the door open and let Katniss in.

It had been so long since Katniss was inside Johanna's room. Even though the window was open, letting in the soft chill of a summer night, the smell of paint was still heavy in the air. Pictures of she and Johanna were still displayed on Johanna's dresser, now intermingled with photos of Johanna and Alex. Even a cute photo booth strip of Johanna and Cashmere. Was life really that drastically different?

"Thank you," Katniss said, placing her duffel bag down on the floor. She hung her dress bag up on the door to Johanna's closet, smoothing out the material before turning her attention back to the girl. Johanna made no attempt to hide the painting on her canvas - a flaming yellow mockingjay. Mockingjays were so rare now that a full photo of one was hard to come by. Katniss had a gold pin that her father had given her that she used to wear almost every day. That's what the painting looked like. That was probably Johanna's point of reference. "My mockingjay. It's beautiful."

"What?" Johanna inquired angrily. Her eyes followed Katniss's gaze until she realized what she was staring at. While she had thought she was just painting something bright and fun, it occured to her that this was just another manifestation of her obsession with Katniss. Just like the portrait. Or the other fifteen paintings she had done of bows and arrows, katniss roots, green pastures and all other things that reminded her of Katniss.

Johanna looked so adorable in her paint-smeared overalls that Katniss couldn't help but smile at her. This was _her _Johanna. The introverted but fierce painter who kept everyone but Katniss at a distance. Who was more comfortable in overalls and pajamas than a pair of skinny jeans. Katniss sobered up before beginning to speak. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I've put you through since I came up with the stupid idea of us pretending to be together."

Johanna's bold eyes looked down at her hardwood floors, covered in newsprint to protect them from the angry splatter of paint. Katniss cleared her throat and continued. "I'm sorry for how I've disregarded your feelings. And not just since this all started, but since the day we became friends. I knew you'd always be there for me and I exploited it. I took advantage of you."

Her words enveloped Johanna and she felt a small chunk of tar that was on her heart get lifted. Katniss's apology felt genuine. She wanted to believe her. God, how she wanted to believe her. "I'm sorry I never took the time to get to know you better. I realize now what I truly terrible friend I've been. To be honest, how you could possibly love me even a little is astounding."

Johanna's eyes rolled back. "What can I say? I've always been sadist." She let out a somber chuckle and sat down on the edge of her bed.

Katniss joined her, timidly holding her hands in her lap. "I wish you had told me you had feelings for me sooner. I'm sorry I got angry with you but I didn't like the lying." Johanna's exasperated gaze made her stop. "Okay I know that's hypocritical but hear me out. You've been dealing with the feelings alone for months. I felt so useless when I saw how comfortable you were with Alex."

"Just useless?" _You didn't feel anything else?_

"Useless and ...a-and jealous." Katniss swallowed the lump in her throat. All of this confession was making her feel nauseous. Johanna looked oddly satisfied with her answer. "I was jealous of how close you guys were."

Johanna sighed, clutching the edge of the mattress in her hands. "She's a really good friend. An amazing friend, actually."

"I know that," Katniss snapped back to the visible surprise of Johanna. She softened. "I mean, I know she is. I can see how well she treats you and how much you like her."

Johanna felt invigorated by this new outpouring of information. The bitter taste of Katniss's tone made her press further. "And how does that make you feel?"

"Jealous," Katniss replied again, looking straight ahead toward Johanna's powerless television. "Possessive. Nauseated. Confused." _Exactly how I feel now. _Katniss began to feel dizzy so she stood on her feet, holding her temples with her fingers. "Can we... can we talk about this tomorrow? I'm so tired and I want to be helpful tomorrow and not a total zombie."

Johanna swallowed down her anger. Of course Katniss would shut down just as she was prying open the recesses of her feelings. "I guess. I am pretty nervous about my speech."

Katniss looked relieved at the change of topic and smiled down at her. "Have you written it yet?"

Johanna fidgeted. "Not exactly. I was thinking of maybe just winging it." Katniss's raised eyebrow and smirk made Johanna defensive. "What? I can speak on the fly."

"How quickly you've forgotten your epic middle school graduation speech." Wide brown eyes cast a glare in her direction. "Where in place of a speech, that you had decided you 'didn't need' to write, you recited the deleted boat scene from _Kissing Jessica Stein _and nobody had a clue what you were saying and then you threw up."

Johanna pouted and stood on her feet in defense. "That's a great monologue! And it's like almost a full page. Everyone should've been impressed."

"They might have been had they known it was from an indie lesbian movie and not you being a crazy person."

"Crazy person or not everyone clapped and I only threw up _after _I got off stage so all in all I consider that a success." There it was. That insufferable smirk Johanna painted on her face because she thought she was right. Katniss wanted to kiss it right off of her.

Katniss surged forward and wrapped Johanna in a tight hug. Tears flooded her eyes as Johanna hugged her back almost as tightly. She missed this. She missed her. Her Johanna. Her best friend. Her nostrils inhaled the latex-and-pine scent of Johanna's hair and she placed her lips near her ear. "I missed you."

She felt Johanna shudder in their hug and she was glad Johanna couldn't see the massive grin on her face. "I missed you too, brainless." Katniss knew she wasn't forgiven, but at least she was well on her way there. She just wanted to be back to good. And being held by Johanna was as close as she had gotten to good in a long while.

* * *

The wedding went off without a hitch, other than the people getting hitched. It was a small ceremony held inside the local church, attended by only about one hundred or so people. Katniss was wearing a deep purple gown she had chosen almost a year earlier with Johanna, who was dressed in an uncharacteristically salmon pink dress.

During the reception Katniss helped herself to champagne and began to try and find Johanna. As a crowd of dancers cleared she walked directly into Cashmere who was clad in the same pink dress Johanna was, but it looked much more appropriate on the bubblegum blonde. "You have some nerve."

"Excuse me?" Katniss countered.

"Did I stutter? I said, you have some nerve. Waltzing into _my_ house and throwing yourself at _my_ sister after _you_ broke her heart. I'll give you that. You are fucking ballsy." Katniss felt like she was on another planet. A strange planet where Cashmere cared about something other than Cashmere.

Gray eyes didn't back down from the intense glare of green ones. "Johanna's a big girl. I don't think she needs a big sister to fight her battles for her."

Cashmere's lips spread out in a downright sinister grin. "She's never had a big sister before, that's why. All she's ever had is you. And what a great protector you've been. The best thing that happened to Johanna was when she finally got out from underneath your pathetic wing. She met Alex. She got _friends_. Real friends who didn't use her."

Ouch. Katniss tried not to look wounded "Does this conversation have a point?"

Cashmere stepped closer to the shorter girl, her gaze pointing down her nose. She gave a quick look around and then glanced back at Katniss. "If you break her heart again I will hunt you down. I will go full fucking Beatrix Kiddo on your ass. Am I understood?" Katniss rolled her eyes but Cashmere didn't budge. "I said, am I understood?"

"Yes ma'am," Katniss mocked with a salute. Cashmere huffed and stepped around Katniss to make her way toward more of the guests. When her vision cleared of the blonde she saw Johanna standing alone near the punch table. A smile lifted on her face. Her heels clicked against the dance floor as she approached Johanna, whose attention went slowly from her shoes up along her dress to her face. Her smile was returned in full. "Hey stranger."

"Hey." Johanna knocked back another spiked punch glass and set the cup on the table next to her. Mind buzzing pleasantly from the alcohol she appraised Katniss's appearance. "You look fantastic."

After all the tip-toeing around each other they had done the night before Katniss was surprised at Johanna's bold compliment. "Same to you." She could see the start of a blush at the bottom of Johanna's already flushed skin. Had that always been her reaction? Had Katniss always had the power to make Johanna blush so easily? "Ready for your big speech?"

"Ready as I'll ever be. Which is essentially not at all." The tinkling of glasses ripped their attention from each other toward the front of the small ballroom. From the small stage draped in a white cloth her mother beckoned her forward. She shot Katniss a weary look. "Wish me luck."

Katniss grabbed her forearm gently and gave it a squeeze. "You'll be amazing."

Johanna flashed her a smile and made her way toward the stage to deliver her speech. While she had jotted down some notes last night with Katniss before they went to sleep (in the same bed, which was torturous) she really had decided to skip a prepared speech. She stood before the small crowd of people, nervously taking her lower lip in her mouth.

She cleared her throat and gazed out into the audience. Her eyes found Katniss's encouraging face and she smiled. "Hi everyone. I'm not good at speeches. Even when I prepare I usually mess it up so I'm not gonna say much." She looked at her mother and smiled. "I have waited a long time to see my mother this happy. I don't think I've ever seen her this happy before. When she first started dating again I was pretty much too grossed out by the prospect to care who it was." There was a smattering of chuckles and Johanna paused. "And I'm so different from Cashmere, well, I figured we'd never get along." Her eyes met the ones from the green blonde off to the side. "But sometimes, you just have to take a chance. That's what my mother did when she and Frank got together. That's what she's done her whole life. Take chances."

Johanna ran her finger along the rim of her glass of champagne and looked from the amber, bubbling liquid back into the crowd. Her eyes met Katniss's. "I only started taking chances recently and a couple times I really fell down hard on my face. But when I looked at my mom and Frank I knew, that eventually I'd take the chance that paid off." Her gaze fixated on Katniss, whose smile began to fade. "I'm still waiting on a couple." She turned her attention back to the group. "But here we are, celebrating the love of two people unafraid to give their love freely to one another and that's ...that's just beautiful. In one of my favorite movies the character reads an article that asks how a man who has been married thirty years knew his wife was the one." Katniss moved her mouth along with Johanna. She knew the quote. She knew the movie even before Johanna spoke it aloud. "'We don't know, you can never be sure. But you take the plunge anyway. Sure is for people who don't love enough.'"

She turned to her mother, eyes welling with tears. "So here's to my mom and Frank and Cashmere, my risk-taking, wonderful, supportive, you-cheat-at-Monopoly-but-I-love-you-anyway family. Taking the plunge because they love more than they are sure about anything."

Johanna raised her glass and downed the rest of her champagne. Everyone clapped politely; Johanna spotted a few people dabbing their eyes. Triumphant, she stepped off the stage as the music cued up again and people took to the dance floor. A few people pulled her aside to say some kind words and she smiled cordially at them. Social interaction was not her forte but she'd make the exception tonight.

Someone grabbed her bicep and as she was about to glare at them she looked into the large eyes of Katniss and smiled instead. "Hey Kat." Katniss's eyes took on a mysterious intensity as she stared back at Johanna. "Are you okay?"

Katniss was soundless. But she wasn't without movement. She dragged Johanna through the crowd with an unmistakeable passion in her direction. Their heels clattered against the cement of the parking lot outside the reception hall. They were illuminated only in the pale somewhat purplish glow of the moon above them and the florescent light of the marquee outside the front.

"Katniss what are you doing? Why are we outside?"

"Shut up." Johanna was perplexed until she felt the rough scratch of the brick wall against her back. Her heart thumped loudly inside her ribcage and in her eardrums as Katniss placed her hands gently on her face just below each of her ears. The brunette looked discombobulated as well but it didn't stop her. She spoke with purpose. "I want to kiss you."

Johanna looked at her like she was the simplest thing on the planet. "So kiss me." As if it were as second nature as riding a bicycle. But the trepidation was there. The fear. The anticipation. Her lips were poised over Johanna's, their champagne-smelling breaths mixing in the warm summer air. She could feel Johanna's entire body pulse as their middles touched, pushing Johanna harder against the wall. Gray eyes looked down toward moist, ready lips and then back up to expectant brown eyes.

Tentatively she pushed their lips together like they had never kissed before. And truly, they hadn't. Not like this. Not with the same physical need behind it. Her thumbs stroked Johanna's jaw as she moved her lips against the other girl's, drawing a subtle and breathy moan from within her. Her lips smiled against Johanna's and she began to redouble the kiss with her tongue. Ragged breaths were drawn in between plunges of her tongue inside Johanna's mouth, and Katniss felt her entire body shake with a thrill she had never felt before.

Not exactly true. She had felt it that night at homecoming. And she was feeling it now as she held Johanna powerless against the wall, gasping for breath but not wanting to give up the kiss. She enjoyed the power. However equally she enjoyed the giving in. She watched Johanna's eyes roll back as she teased her bottom lip between her teeth. Johanna's hands were wrapped around her back, digging into the fabric of her dress over her spine.

There was a hefty silence as they each pulled away. A mutual feeling of disorientation lined with bliss. "Whoa," Johanna breathed out, her breath rippling over Katniss's damp neck.

"I know." Katniss lifted her head away from Johanna to look at her. She traced her thumb over Johanna's lips slowly, feeling the slightly viscid surface of her lips. The faint smear of pink lipstick coming off onto her thumb. Looking at Johanna now, in the dim illumination of night and the afterglow of being thoroughly kissed, it was like seeing her for the first time. Her skin wasn't just the faultless alabaster shade she knew, it was now soft surface area she wanted to smother in kisses. The desire to have her, to possess her, to claim her as her own was scary but not unwelcome.

Johanna was still nervous. Her lips trembled not only in the after effects of kissing the person she wanted most in the world, but the fear that this would come crashing down on her. Was this another set-up? Was Katniss just trying her out to see if she really might have feelings for her? Like a beaten dog she was expecting the comedown of a newspaper on her head.

But it never came. Instead Katniss spoke no words. She just took Johanna by the hand and led her to her car. Too baffled to protest Johanna got in and allowed Katniss to drive them mutely back to the Masons' home. Johanna fleetingly wondered if she should've said goodbye to her mother. This was her wedding day after all. The way Katniss had taken charge of her seemed to leave no room for negotiation. She was worried she'd ruin the moment if she had asked to stay, that Katniss would've lost her nerve.

They arrived in Johanna's room and the black-haired girl found herself very quickly pinned against her dresser. A few pictures toppled over but Katniss didn't seem to care. She kissed her madly, lining pink-stained lipstick marks all over Johanna's cheeks and jaw, down to her neck. Teeth grazed sensitive neck skin as Katniss reached up and undid Johanna's hair from it ponytail. Her hair fell on to her shoulders and Katniss wasted no time in gripping fistfuls of it as she continued her assault on Johanna's mouth.

When she felt Katniss's fingers fumbling for the zipper on her dress she reached back and grabbed her by the wrists, pulling her hands around front. "Hey," Johanna said softly. "Slow down."

Johanna could watch the exact moment when Katniss felt the gravity around her again. Her gray eyes came back into focus and she looked apologetically at her friend. "I'm sorry. I just ..I had to ...I want to..."

Johanna smiled and leaned up to kiss Katniss slowly but demurely on the lips. "I know what you want. And I want it too. I just think maybe we should..."

"We should," Katniss confirmed. Johanna was right. First of all she had basically forced herself on Johanna, and second of all, she had no idea what she was doing. Thirdly, of course, their relationship (if that was indeed what they were going to have) shouldn't begin with some half-drunk escapade. Johanna deserved more than that.

Johanna could easily read the guilt in Katniss's eyes. "Hey, listen, I'm with you. I want this ..._badly_. Probably more than you think." Swollen lips moved into a smirk. "But we'll get there. If that's what you want. Is that what you want? Is this," she motioned between the two of them, "what you want?"

"Yes." Simple, like riding a bicycle.

"Are you sure?" Johanna hoped the sheer wishfulness in her voice wasn't as obvious as it sounded in her head. How long had she longed for Katniss to want her? Forever? Even though it felt so completely right it still shot a jolt of fear through her. She wasn't even sure she still fully forgave Katniss for everything they had gone through. But love... love presents itself in spite of everything else. It will run through your veins whether you accept it or not.

Katniss's cheek dimpled. "Sure is for people who don't love enough."

* * *

Author's Note: Almost at the finish line, ladies and gents. I imagine the next chapter will be the last, sad to say. As always feel free leave a review and let me know what you think! I'll be posting a new chapter of "Sunday" shortly, I just sorta lost my muse on that for a little.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: Usually I put this last but this is a pretty short epilogue so I just wanted to give you a heads up that it'll be short and sweet. Thank you all for your comments and follows and support of this! It was super fun to write since the actual show is an abomination unto the world at the moment.

* * *

Johanna paced anxiously in the tunnel that led to the grass field of their high school. They were next in line to begin walking for graduation and Katniss had sprung on her yet another late-in-the-game idea.

"Kat, this is a bad idea."

"This is a great idea."

"No this is a patently poor idea."

"Be quiet."

"Katniss Everdeen I swear I will hmph-" Johanna was cut off by Katniss's lips on hers, smothering her words in a deep, loving kiss that she had no choice but to return. The way her lips moved against Johanna's mouth made the latter girl shiver with anticipation. They had been together for over a year now; exactly thirteen months, four days and nine hours (but who was counting?) and each kiss they had caused the same reaction inside her. It was like being startled by fireworks over and over.

Katniss pulled away and ran her fingertips over Johanna's lips. A soft pink tongue darted out and pecked at her and she narrowed her eyes at the other girl. "Any more objections?" She knew there wouldn't be. She used to be able to use her pout and her words to sway Johanna one way or the other, but now all she had to do was kiss her and she was putty in her hands. Not that she was manipulative, but sometimes Johanna needed a little bit of a push. And let's be honest, Katniss was not above using her mouth to get her way, especially where Johanna was concerned.

"No," Johanna moped, shaking her head.

Katniss flashed her a winning grin. "Good." She leaned down and kissed her again, sweetly and without motive. She took Johanna by the hand and the two of them proceeded down the corridor toward the grass field in front of them. They had made a pact when they entered as freshmen that they would walk together for graduation. Of course now they had double the reason to do so.

They emerged into the dipping sun of the sweaty June afternoon to a wide round of applause both from their classmates and from a small cheering section in the audience of their family. Johanna gave them a quick look and smiled. Her parents waved to her, as did Alex, who had come home from college a few weeks earlier. Even though she was way across the country in California, Johanna stayed in contact with her. She was a resolute sounding board while she and Katniss clumsily got through the first year of their relationship. She was glad to have another solid friend in her life.

The girls approached the archway where they were to pause for a few moments for their families to take pictures. But when they turned to face the crowd, Katniss flipped Johanna over her knee and kissed her fiercely, eliciting gasps and whistles from the surprised and entertained crowd. Johanna didn't know how women kissed this way; she felt like she was going to fall on the ground.

"Don't let me go," Johanna whispered in between kisses, worriedly glancing at the impish grin on Katniss's face.

"Never." She pulled Johanna back up and kissed her solidly on the mouth once more before retaking her hand and leading them back down the aisle toward their assigned seats. A few of their classmates clapped, Johanna felt a few pats on her back as they sat down. "See? I told you it was a great idea. You should listen to my ideas more often."

* * *

Summer bled into fall and disintegrated into winter faster than Johanna could remember. Both girls had moved to New York City for college; Johanna was attending Columbia University while Katniss attended NYU. They lived separately across Midtown Manhattan in their dorms, only a subway ride away from each other at any given time.

Katniss waited patiently in their favorite independent coffee shop tucked away in a corner of the Village, watching the door. Snow had begun to fall much more heavily outside, quieting the usual loud din of taxis and bicycles. A blonde waitress approached Katniss, smiling at her through horn-rimmed glasses. "Waiting on someone or do you want me to take your order?"

The brown-haired girl looked up and smiled back. "I'm sure I can order for both of us. Two double-chocolate lattes with extra whip cream." Katniss paused. "Make one with soy." The waitress scribbled in her notepad and flitted away, and Katniss hugged her jacket closer. Winters in Panem weren't all that good, but the wind between the buildings of New York City made it seem much worse.

With a burst of wind and snow behind her Johanna nearly fell into the cafe. She stomped her boots on the rug in front of the door and shook her wild locks, peppering the ground in fat snowflakes. She ran her fingers through her hair in a vain attempt to soothe the disheveled mess that was atop her head and gazed around the room. She finally spotted Katniss in the left side of the cafe near the windows. Immediately her face lit up as she shrugged off her leather jacket and made her way over.

"Hey beautiful," she greeted in a low burr, leaning down to kiss her sweetly. Only backing away an inch from her face she smiled. "I'm sorry I'm late." Her eyes flashed with impatience. "Getting a taxi to come all the way down here was fucking nuts. I'm like, it's just _snow_ you dick. It's not a Pompeii ash storm."

Katniss kissed Johanna again and motioned for her to sit down. "It's okay I haven't been here long. I took the liberty of ordering for us both." Johanna sat down and again tried to smooth down her hair but it was of no use.

She quirked an eyebrow. "For both our sake's I hope it contains copious amounts of chocolate. Literally absurd amounts of chocolate." Katniss enjoyed these moments most. The moments where they fell back comfortably into their friendship. How anyone was in a relationship where they weren't friends first was something Katniss couldn't comprehend.

A warm smile came across Katniss's lips as she looked at Johanna. "How did your finals go?"

The other girl sighed and leaned back in her chair, unraveling her scarf from around her neck. "Well I only had one legit 'final' final for English Composition. The other were fine arts and I mean, come on, I can paint still life in my sleep." Johanna's brown eyes went wide as the waitress came by and dropped off two large mugs of dark, steaming coffee. Her gaze lingered on Johanna, who was still staring down at her cup.

"Can I get you ladies anything else? Something from the bakery?" she asked to both of them but Katniss noticed her eyes penetrating Johanna, who was typically oblivious.

Johanna took a sip of the coffee and let her eyes roll back in her head as the decadent taste filled her mouth. "Oh my God no, that's okay. I'm already gonna get diabetes from this latte. This is fucking amazing. Compliments to the chef. Or barista. Or both."

The waitress blushed and Katniss scowled. "I made them," she informed with a grin. Did she want her throat slit? Because Katniss was pretty sure she could cut her throat with the spoon next to her mug. It might take a while but it could happen.

"Did you?" Johanna finally looked up from the coffee and smiled amiably at the waitress. "Well it's awesome," Johanna paused, looking for the girl's name-tag with a squint, "Sarah. Thanks."

"You're welcome," the girl trailed off, raising a dark brown eyebrow. _Is she fucking serious_? Katniss was busy contemplating how many years in jail one gets for drowning an overly friendly waitress in espresso. Could she make it look like an accident? Oh no, an overflowing cappuccino machine drowned her and then fell in her corpse._  
_

"Johanna," she filled in, reaching out her hand to shake the waitress's own. Katniss cleared her throat loudly from across the table and Johanna chuckled. "And this is Katniss. Are you new? We've been coming here for months and I've never seen you before."

The waitress nodded politely toward Katniss. "Yeah I started last week. It's nice to meet you both." Her hazel eyes returned to Johanna. "Enjoy the coffee. Let me know if you need anything." Sarah scampered off toward the barista bar and Katniss leveled her intense gray eyes at Johanna.

Katniss waited a few beats while Johanna idly drank her coffee. "Um, what the fucking fuck?"

Johanna's eyes flew up from her coffee to Katniss. "What?"

Katniss scoffed and motioned between Johanna and the waitress. "Do you guys need a room? You want me to leave?" The disbelief in Johanna's eyes made Katniss roll the ones in her head. "Oh please. She was totally eye-fucking you that whole time. And you practically _came _because of her stupid latte."

Johanna leaned her elbows on the table and bent toward Katniss. Her voice dropped. "First of all, it's an _amazing _latte. And second of all, you of literally all people, know that's not what I look like when I come." A faint blush scattered across Katniss's cheeks and Johanna settled back in her chair. "Besides, she's not my type. And a little late."

"A little late?"

Johanna grinned. "She's like, a decade late. I met the only girl I've ever wanted when I was seven." She picked up one of Katniss's hands and entwined their fingers over the worn oak of the table. She gently rubbed Katniss's knuckles with the tips of her fingers. "Relax, okay? You have nothing to be insecure about."

"Who said I was insecure?" Katniss asked, diverting her eyes to the ground. While she knew Johanna loved her, some part of her brain wondered if they had moved too fast. Moreover, she wondered if she was enough. Johanna wore her sexuality proudly and was very often picked up at bars and parties by vulturous lesbians.

"No one," Johanna replied. "I'm just saying. This entire cafe could be filled with Angelina Jolie lookalikes and there'd only be one face I'd want to see." Johanna detangled their fingers and used it to stroke through Katniss's hair. "Yours." Johanna knew Katniss was still unsteady about their relationship. While she had readily embraced the rainbow flags and backwards snapback caps of stereotypical lesbianism, Katniss was still shy about their affection in public and impulsively jealous of anyone who flirted with her.

She had no idea how singular Johanna's thoughts were. She loved and wanted only her. Nobody else even came close. Katniss snorted and shook her head. "Liar."

Johanna dropped her jaw in offense. "Seriously. You've ruined me for anyone else." Gray eyes narrowed across the table at her. Katniss was unsure whether or not to take offense to that comment. "I don't _want_ anyone else. I want you and me and that's it."

"Not even an attractive hipster waitresses who _clearly _wants to jump on your dick?" Katniss tossed another glare in the waitress's direction. The nerve of some people. Flirting with _her _girlfriend in _her _favorite coffee shop in _her _city of residence.

Johanna smirked. "If me complimenting the waitress hurt your feelings I apologize."

Katniss grumbled and looked away in embarrassment. "No, I'm sorry. I just didn't like how she just blatantly flirted with you in front of me. Like how dare she assume that's okay? She assumed you were gay and that I was just some friend and that she was gonna take you back to her studio apartment and fuck you."

The shorter girl chuckled and leaned over the small table and placed her lips on Katniss's. She ran her fingers through the slightly damp locks of the other girl and gently swiped her lower lip with her tongue. When she moved back into her seat she smiled. "Now there's no question of who's fucking me."

"Damn right."

* * *

Aw, the end. ;)


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